Our sharing session before bedtime

The 3 'kokonuts' at one of the b4 bedtime sharing session in 2006

( earlier pics available but release form not approved by Charles to publish..hahaha!)

Pre-bedtime has always been an entertaining time for our small family here all these years. While it is supposed to be a kind of ‘Dad-Opened for Discussion’ hour, a sharing time for us to put forth proposals and all family related business... it usually turns out to be more like 'Dad-Opened for Attack' hour because this is the time where I have to take off my ‘dad stripes’ and join in the rank!

Without the DAD authority card, none to say I am no longer a sideliner in their name calling and teasing games…ending with names such as ‘LAU-EH’ (the old one) or ‘TUAPOOI’ (meaning fatty... ahemmm! this is only the opinion of two BOKASI CHUP CHENG KIA anorexics nia!) Oops! I just cursed myself…hahaha!

No matter how I tried making this sharing session a serious matter, with this Charleskey the circus escapee around, it somehow always end up more of a teasing/jokes & riddles session... making us all go to bed still laughing and smiling like fools!

Here are some of those funny riddles we shared over the years.....

HAVE FUN WITH THESE RIDDLES

Who’s that pak haji who lost his motorcycle?
HajiNOMOTO

If Playboy Magazine is scouting for a Punjabi girl to feature in centerfold, who would you recommend?
Boh Cheng KAUR (not wearing pants in Hokkien)

Why do we assume Hokkiens adore Gandhi’s mother?
It’s because they often exclaim “GANDI LAU-BOH!”

Why the Chinese Hakkas dislike the ‘MACARENA’ song

It’s because it sounds vulgar to them …. ‘MAK KAI LIN AR?’

Why Cantonese do not carry ‘Charles Jourdan’ bags anymore?
Because it says, “CHA CHI CHOR TANNG” (cumbersome to carry)

Do you have any idea what a blind deer is called?
NO EYE DEER (No Idea!)

Why nobody dances the ‘A-GO-GO’ at the disco anymore.
It’s because most of the leg muscles of those who know ‘A-GONE-GONE’!!

How do you make your nenek/grandma/ah phorr do the ROCK & ROLL?
Add wheels to her rocking chair!

What is worst than finding a worm in your half eaten durian?
Finding Half a worm!

Why is the skeleton afraid to cross the Jalan Raya (road)?
NO BALLS!

Preparations for the Annual Sales Convention.

Preparation for our coming national sales convention at Genting Highlands this month has kept me busy and unable to find time to ‘9pek9bo’for a while.

As a working committee member (a.k.a. ‘kaypo’ ppl) of the Northern region for this event, I was entrusted with the job to organize, design and make the costumes for our group of 20 +1(commander) Chinese warriors to march, but more likely stroll in during the Opening Ceremony of the convention. (Diuuu! why can't they go in as aboriginal warriors.. then, I only have to make 21 pieces of loin cloths to cover their groins only lorr!..summore saves time, saves $$$$! and airy for their 'ding-alings' mah!)

So, after putting my old rusty brain into overtime gear to come out with the visuals and with the help of Charles, we made a prototype headgear. Last weekend we ‘transformed’ our sales office into a Santa’s workshop and exploited our ‘elves’ to mass produce the headgears.

My visual plan.

Mass production of the headgears by my colleagues ( the overgrown 'elves')

We had so much fun (..or maybe just me, since I was only working with my vocal cord ..hehehe!), we intend to be back this weekend again to make 16 battle flags and to brainstorm for a ‘War-cry’ as required.(funny.. has been wondering why soldiers need to cry before killing their enemies in war… isn’t it the job of the victims’ families to do just that? Hahaha!)

The finished headgears..modelled by Charleskey here.

Nice onot? velly same same like the 'toong toong charnng' opera leh?

Also, as the ‘Paul Moss’(underqualified one, of course) of my company, I have to audition and groom our Idol-contestant and the backup dancers (representing our northern region) for the night dinner event and incidentally, our idol representative this year has chosen to sing “Ja-jam-bo”( dunno whether this song is older or I am…lol!)
Sharing with you here are some pics of the dance practices…

The song goes something like" Ja jaa mmm bo... ni kann wor, wor kann nee...."

The ‘Unseens’ in my home!

I don’t care ‘what-defahq’ or ‘who-defock’ these ‘unseens’ are but if I can ever lay my hands on this ‘Mr. Doe Noe’ or ‘Mr. Knott Mee’, it’ll be hell nearer to home for them!

After all, these two sonnaguns and their chinese cousins who go by the names of ‘Ng Chee Toh @Ng Chye Leh’ and ‘Ng Hai Ngor@ Ng Si Wa’ have been making my life even more hellish than Mr. S.A.TAN’s ever since they moved into my home to make it theirs.

Things could go missing, tap left running, dirty tissues strewn on floors or the ever popular opened fridge door act. Arghhhh!!!... there seems to be no end to their mischievous endeavors!

If you ask me how do I know it’s them, I’ll say I know and can even swear at my mother’s grave ( even though my late mom was never buried but cremated) that it’s them and nobody else because my two ‘promise to die if I lie’ good sons, Jayboy and Charleskey SAY SO!

It has always been them and no one else because whenever I asked, “Who-defock left or threw this….. here?” the quicker than speedy gonzale response had either been ‘Knott Mee’, ‘Doe Noe’, ‘Ng Chye’ or ‘Ng Si Wa’ and never any of the us tenants here so far!

Sad to say, I am afraid that my never results yielding hunt for these unseen pranksters has taken its toil on me after all these years, with signs of insanity slowly surfacing… If not, how else could you explain why a dad who works ten hours a day in a kiasu bank by day and with tons of house chores to slog by night, starts blogging?

Please report to me if you come across the above mischievers..ok?

Tickling Ironies

We just could not stop laughing at Charles for having the word “cute” appearing in his Cbox so very often lately...and "Hi Cute!" became the fad within these four walls of our home these few days.

While this word 'cute' may have a different meaning now to the present trend of young users and meant to be complimentary, it was once defined in the dictionary as “something ugly but adorable”! In fact, that was how I started calling Jboy (Charleskey’s bro) “hey ugly!” during his fair share days of this very ironic word.

This, of course is only one of the many baffling ironies in human behavior (‘Mau toon’ in chinese I think) that I find interestingly entertaining.

But the mother of all human ironies is…. why we have to take so much trouble coaxing our babies to learn as many words as possible knowing that later on in their lives, we have to tell them to shut-up and NOT talk so much? ( esp. when parents start losing in an argument with these ‘now big and clever liao’ teenagers.. hehehe!)

Recently, in the midst of Charleskey’s stressing SPM ( examination) days,
I joked, “isn’t it a bad deal, Charlie … you have to write and give them tons of papers so as to get back just one from them? ‘sit pun seng lee la’!”

…and if for whatever godammit reasons, the ‘better-than Africa’ edu. System don’t give my Charles that piece of paper which is no bigger than the many we gave them, dad can make one for him …and this is what I have in mind….




...we can even hang this and wait for those impressed BTC (Bo TAK CHEK) aunties to come and comment, " Aiyo! your Charlekey very pandai la!" ..hahaha!

Joke- "RIDING A BIKE"

A missionary suddenly realized that the one thing he hadn't yet taught the natives he served was how to speak English, so he takes the chief for a walk in the jungle. He points to a tree and says to the chief, "This is a tree." The chief looks at the tree and grunts, "Tree."

The missionary is pleased with the response. They walk a little further and the missionary points to a rock and says, "This is a rock." Hearing this, the chief looks and grunts, "Rock."

The missionary is really getting enthusiastic about the results when he hears a rustling in the bushes. As he peeks over the top, he sees a couple of the natives in the midst of heavy sexual activity.

Flustered, the missionary quickly says to the chief, "Riding a bike."The chief looks at the preoccupied couple briefly, pulls out his blowgun and kills them.

The missionary goes ballistic and yells at the chief that he has spent years teaching the tribe how to be civilized and be kind to each other."How could you kill these people in cold blood that way?" he demands.

"My bike", the chief replied.

MyPics Dedications

While watching over Charleskey familiarizing himself with his new two wheeler at the car park area a month ago, I borrowed his SonyS700 to kill boredom by taking shots of the foliage and flowers within the vicinity there. Guess looking at nature was a better choice than watching that ‘wobbling alien’ going around in circles.. hahaha!

So... for a change, instead of writing some silly stuff, I'm posting here to share with you some of those pics taken on that day.

Specially dedicating these pics to my new found friends in the blogsphere- (in random order......nickchan, Annailovetobeme, Chingy, kyliemc, aaronwoolala, Saewei, BenjiPapa, GenYong, Kexin, eStee, Angeline, Swei, wenDY, elaine, AlvinNg, Jesyln and the many others who has yet to leave their names here.... Wishing you guys," A Beautiful Life ahead!"

That "wobbling Alien" Charleskey on his spaceship!

the foliage at the cliff

from the neighbor's garden

Look carefully, these are not birdies but flowers!

Peeping thro' two leaves to take these 2 shots.

My New Year Revolution Resolution

“Dad, new year coming hor….you got your new year ‘revolution’ or not?” asked JayBoy, the NAWT (Never A-day Without Trouble) sibling of Charles.

“Ssssh! Not so loud, you wanna get me an all free holiday stay in Hotel Kamunting ar?

“It’s new year ‘resolution’ and not ‘revolution’ lah!” I corrected this young MTC (mai-tak-chek) punk just as I had with his mispronunciation of ‘pows’ for ‘pause’, ‘Re-ween’ for ‘rewind’ and ‘ser-toop’ for ‘setup’.

This is the very same accidental clown of the house who coined the word ‘NOUN-LESS’ to admonish Charles after I scolded him (JayBoy) for being ‘boh-now’ (no brains in Hokkien)…LOL!

Anyway, that Revolution/Resolution confusion of words happened many years ago when JayBoy n.a.w.t. m.t.c was just a naughty little kid who used to go around singing, “chin kwai lan….chin kwai lan” to the tune of that mandarin song ‘Sing Thai Luan’ as he cycled around the neighborhood!

As for the resolutions of mine Jayboy enquired? Well.. don’t worry, they have been properly numbered and filed with rest.. waiting for them to be epitaphed on my tombstone someday… making it the tallest structure around Batu Gantong, even overshadowing that PGCC landmark!

It’ll probably read,
“Here lies our beloved ‘Phok-kai’ dad who left us nothing
but this long list of unaccomplished New Year Resolutions.
May his soul rest as peaceful
as these resolutions did all these years!”

Hahaha! I’ll be LOL-ing in the grave then!

Choi! Choi! Choi!..New year coming and I’m blogging about this ‘ngmm hoe yee thau’ thingy!. Ptui! Ptui! Ptui! Let me get back on track and present you my resolutions for this year..

Myspace to ur place!

vandalism by sum chup cheng (part2 )

X'MAS presents to all visitors here!

LOL WINNERS

TESTIMONIALS of “LOL” Winners


Mr. Santa Klaus- North Pole

In my job, I need to travel a lot delivering toys & presents to the never-ending list of “NOT naughty” mothersuckers.

Unlike the good ol’days, these teats-maniacs are more demanding and hard to please nowadays, even complaining I’m not getting the right stuff for ‘em. How on earth should I know “ram” is a thing in their PC and not an animal or, Apple is no longer a fruit?

With this increasing stress in my job, yelling “HO HO HO!” became more of a task than an effort until Rudolf (my not-so-bright reindeer) introduced me to this “LOL”! (He could have also intro me to VIAGRA then but damn it, he didn’t! See? told ya, he ain’t that bright after all!)

Ever since, I can never leave home without charging up my LOLs from ppl in that little box on the right, called Cbox so that I can “HOHOHO!” all the way!


Mr. La-Fing Boo Da - Eastern Sky

While I don’t have to go around “ho-ho-ing like Santa ( my ee-po, char-wa eh soon) brudder, my job requires me to put on a happy laughing face while listening to the woes and wishes of my people.

Most of the time, I find laughing on my job” sup-sup-soi” especially when I come across people wanting me to help them with their weight or hair loss problem! ( OMG OMB! if only they lift their heads up from that kow-tow position and have a good look at me!)

To cut things short, “LOL is my way of Life” and hope is YOURS too!"

HAHAHAHA!…Overdosed of LOL leh?

O Fahk! ( new Dewan Pustaka spelling) I only realized that I ‘ve forgotten to warn you “two-derful” ( more than juz Wonderful) guys/gals visiting here about overdosing with LOL when I noticed the many “hahahas” left on my Cbox.

According to my friend Dr. What Sumthing Sumthing, this is a normal reaction and can easily be relieved by taking “HAHADOL”. The amount to be taken varies according to how many “Ha” spilling out from you.

So, Chingy, WenDY and Anna, I believe u have to take 4 tablets 4 times a day!!! ..but don’t call me first thing in the morning. Anyway, you won’t be able to… because you’ll be busy “toilet Hiroshima-ing” after consuming the HAHADOL. (how else do u think this HAHADOL can stop you from having fun huh?)

I’m even more concerned with Aaron@AxiaL who had a “LMAO” attack… which I was told (by my son, Charles) has something to do with damage of the posterior end.

Aaron, please hang on there, we’ll get this ASSPRIN over to you before you have to rename yourself as Ass-less Aaron@Axial! Hahahahahaha! ( think I better go and down the whole bottle of HAHADOL myself!)

Breaking News: Our health minister is considering a ban on dispensing LOLs in the blogs. He said that the gaomen's heavily subsidized supply of LOLs distributed thru the various statements made by our ministers and their deputies should be sufficient enough!

BTW notes to:

Chingy,WenDY, Anna & Aaron- Thanks for allowing me to bring a little laughter into your life. Do remember your next clinic visit here for more LOL

Kexin and Jeslyn-Obviously you two didn’t read the small print Instruction behind your birth cert la… it says “All dads should be kept cool!”

Kohaku- It’s good you love your dad. But don’t tell your loving mum…she may get you more…!!!!!

Dr."What Sumthing-Sumthing" LOL tablets

If you have this feeling that life’s kowlat and you’re feeling chialat most of the days, it’s time to check out the ppl around you.

This is because you may be suffering from a very contagious deadly disease called “LS2D” ( LifeSuxs-2Death) probably passed on to you by infected ppl around you.

According to Dr.”what sumthing-sumthing”, the symptoms are as follows:

Behavioral symptom- Complaining & criticizing anything & everything under the sky. To the infected mind, everything except themselves sux! ( Mafoolat! Some LS2D sufferers even refer bloggers as “monkeys”!)

Physical symptom- Partial facial Palsy, some facial muscles around their mouths seem to be on holiday- The “see money orso cannot smile” type mia muka!

Mental condition- to the infected, happy times seems as old as those churned up stories in your sejarah books?

To combat this LS2D, Dr.”what sumthing-sumthing” strongly recommends a heavy dose of "LOL" supplements daily which are best sourced from the blogs.

For this Special Seasonal Offer, Dr."What Sumthing-Sumthing" LOL package comes along with a FREE "STRESS REDUCTION KIT" just in case the LOL medication is not working for you!

wanna play ball?

Thanx folks for your comments!

To: Swei, Benji, Anna & Elaine- glad you like the “Dear Santa” joke
To: flux- glad I have something here that tickles you too.

Yea Swei, this dad not only “rock” but also jive, hip hop, shuffle & pop too!
I’m sure many other dads also blog. After all, beneath that stern looking masks we dads tend to put on sometimes, we are as human as you. The only difference is that we don’t yak or chatter that much thru’the vocal cord & mouth like you ppl do, we do it thru the other end especially after a heavy meal… in flat key. Now you know why it’s called “flatulence”? LOL!

To: eStee who asked “your son is as cool as u... or is it ur as cool as ur son?!”

Lucky thing that I’m one of those rare adults who understands the new gen lingo to know what “cool” means because in my time they said I was “hot” and now this SYT ( sweet young thing) says uncle “cool”! ( world climate changes that drastic meh?) hahaha! Estee, you are equally cool!

I must confess I ‘m juz a beginner here with so much to learn from you folks. In fact, this blog is born after many moons of persuasion, enticement and even bribery by my son, Charles ( appointed my blog sifu). So while he is a chip of the old block, I must say “I am a chip of this young blog”.

Charles told me some of you were taken aback by my liberal usage of the “F” word which I used to spice up the fun in reading before you zzzzz away. The truth is that in person I DO NOT utter such words just like artists who paint nudes do NOT go around naked. The only F language I speak would sound something like this… “Flights of feathered fancy forever frolicking freely from far and farther in fraternity and friendship”.. Now…go get something to wipe all those showerings you just sprayed on your monitor!!!

HOHOHO!

HOHOHO! IT’S CHRISTMAS TIME! A time for JOY, PEACE and FORGIVENESS!.

This is the time to drag my tired reluctant feet to go shopping for gifts, an annual ritual to reiterate our love for our close ones. (never mind we f!@#ed up their lives for the rest of the 365 days!) Joy and Peace reigns!( at least till the pleasure of the gifts fades away.

…and now for the "FORGIVENESS" part, ermmmm… So I see, it’s also time to forgive those “chup cheng”mother Fcukers who screwed up my life and maybe get them a present too..huh?

Bloody exploiting bosses who never can realize that, like them, we too can marry, screw and have children...who wait impatiently for us to be home!

Stupid teachers, who talk but never listen and always think that the rotan and our butts are heavenly pairs!

Colleagues, classmates or neighbors who are P.I.As! ( “PAIN in the ASS”- used to be called “Pain in the Neck” during my time .. but now we got Malaysia-Boleh angkasawan, so traveled a bit further liao!)

Do these assholes really deserve a present from us just so that we can have this nice “forgiving” feelings this Christmas? Oh YESSsssss they DO! Just take a look below and see what I ‘ve got in store for them…. Hahaha! HOHOHOHHHO! Have a MERRY BLESSED CHRISTMAS everyone!!!

scent of "LAST CHRISTMAS" after dinner throw-up

stinking socks aromatic ( good for reviving faints)

pungent "OR YEH LIEW" ( midnite Waterworks) collection

Smart-Ass Reporter!

A car was involved in an accident in a street.
As expected, a large crowd of “kay-pos” gathered.

A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story could not get near the car.

Being a pandai pandai sort, he started shouting loudly, 'Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim.'
The crowd made way for him.

Lying in front of the car was a donkey!

Dear Santa

The Request from Charles

The Reply from Santa

Minors Small Talk-"when I grow up..."

vandalism by sum chup cheng