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Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Vuvuzela virus in me!

I have all the symptoms of it! Dark circles, bloodshot eyes, headaches, lack of concentration and dozing away in the afternoons. Yessir! I’m infected with the World Cup fever….again!

I've caught this strange illness that comes around every four years and like many millions in this eastern part of the globe, I have been staying up late, depriving myself the much needed sleep just to watch 20 sohais running up and down my TV screen chasing and fighting for a tiny speck of a ball while 2 even more sohai fellas do nothing but wait at both ends for that ball!

During such football frenzy period everything in my life has to freeze as nothing to me is more important than enjoying the world cup games even at odd hours!

In fact, this is the time limpek just don’t ‘hew-lan’ f@rking care whether our Bolehland is going bankrupt in 2019 or going to end with the rest of the world in 2012, much less bothered with what name our numero uno 'friend' is giving his pussy! (Aiya, most people call their pussy Ceebai if you asked me, I would call her 1Ceebai and be done with it so that I can get on with something more important …the world Cup 2010! )

Just for now, nothing is more satisfying to me than munching crispy ‘eoh-char koays’ dipped in hot aromatic 'Kopi-Or kau kau’ (thick black coffee) while I watch my favorite 'or-len' Holland team send Uruguay to 'Hor Lan' like they did with those Samba kakis the other day!(Achtung! My other favorite is of course..Germany!.. )
(delirious joy becoming a Dutch for day and German for another..hahaha!)

Yea I know..  this may sound crazy or even total madness to those of you who are not hooked and I don’t think it is possible to explain what is in it that drives millions like me into this frenzy.

Talking about football madness, I found out nothing can be more crazy and hilarious than inviting a seventy plus old lady to join me a watching world cup match. That was exactly what I did when I was just a lad who thought it was a good idea to get our 72 years old family ‘ma-chneah’ nanny /godmother to accompany me watching the games in the wee hours of the morning.

“Why are those people running all over the field?she asked.

I said, "They are fighting to get the ball.”

“Why? They don’t have money to buy everyone a ball?”

I said, "It’s just a game la”

…and she went, "Ayo! What a stupid game! Isn’t it easier to grab the ball with their hands instead of legs and run home with it if they want the ball?”

After a while she remarked to correct me, "I think you are wrong la, nobody wants the ball. Everyone seems to be kicking the ball away to others la! Even that two smarter guys who know how to grab the ball with their hands also threw it back to them.. see?”

“Maybe it has dog’s pooh on it” I joked and spun to go along with her naïve perception.

I then made one of the greatest mistake in my life that morning, trying to explain to her what a football game is and what the FIFA rules say and almost died bursting my lungs laughing when she kept asking, "Who the heck is this 'Fei Fah'…that fat aunty Fei Ma’s sister ..issit?”

Thank God I survived the many years of madness and live till today to enjoy another round of football phenomenon or madness as you may want to call it….

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