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Friday, January 15, 2010

AhLian & AhHwei jokes

_____________AH LIAN & 3 AhBENGS

Ah Lian is at a party and three hamsup ahbengs are like flies swarming around her flirtatiously.

Noticing that the ahbengs are ogling at her body.. she decides to have some fun with them. She proposes that if they give her RM5 each, she will show them her legs.

The humsap-chau Ahbengs, charmed by this young girl, each quickly gives her a five ringgit note. Ah Lian pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says, "If each of you ‘hensem’ will give me 10 ringgit, I'll show you my thighs,"

Those chau-ahbengs being what they are, all pull out a 10 ringgit note for her.

Ah Lian then pulls up her dress all the way to her undies making those ahbengs drooling like dogs.

Then Ah Lian says, "If you will give me 100 ringgit each, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis".

Naturally, without hesitation all three fork over the money.

Then Ah Lian turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, "There lor!"

_______________AH HWEI'S STUTTERING

Ah Lian accompanies Ah Hwei to meet up with her new found FB friend, Ah Beng.

Ah Hwei: I.. I…I.. vvvverry ssssked la…

Ah Lian: No nid to be sked one la..why chew so sked?

Ah Hwei: af-af-after ar-ar-ar-Ah Beng finds out I-I-I ss-ss-s.-stutter when I-I-I speak, how leh?

Ah Lian: AiYa! Ah Hwei, stutter nia ma.. people can understand what chew say one la, even my cat and my neighbor’s dog also stutter la..but they also understand each other.

Ah Hwei:How-how-how chew know?

Ah Lian: Whenever my cat is playing with the ball, that stupid dog will surely cross over to our porch and goes “Grrrr…grrrr grrr”,
but before he can finish saying “Grow up!” my cat will go “Ffffff, Fffffff, Ffffff”.

That stupid dog also understands and leaves before my cat can finish saying her ffffF...CK OFF!”

____________AH HWEI & AH MAH

Ah Hwei comes downstairs after putting on her new ‘see-thru’ blouse and not wearing any bra to go to a party.

Ah Mah(grandmother) is enraged ….seeing red instead of Ah Hwei's pair of pink…….. , tells her NOT to go out exposing herself like that to all those chau- ahbengs at the party.

Ah Hwei tells her gram, “Ayo! ah mah, nowadays horrr…people not like your time or-ledi. These are modern times, and modern girls are proud to show off their pair of ‘pears’ to their friends one la.” and out she goes before Ah Mah can say anything.

The next morning, when Ah Hwei comes downstairs, grandma is sitting on her arm chair …topless.!

Ah Hwei: “OMG! Ah mah, what-chew doo-ing? How can you go half-naked in the living room like that? My friends are coming over soon…I’ll die if they see my grandma walking around half naked!”

Ah Mah: “Ayoh, Ah Mah orso wants to keep up with the modern times ma…. if your friends like to see your 'pears', I'm sure they'll love seeing Ah Mah's hanging PAPAYAS too.”

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Little SorKow JOKES

"Out of suffering comes creativity. You cannot spell painting without pain" (John Lithgow in Third Rock From the Sun)

______________________Little Sor Kow &
Ah Mah.

9 year old Little Sor Kow ‘balik kampung’ and was staying with his Ah Mah (grandmother) for the school holidays.

He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked his grandma….

'Ah Mah, what's that called when two people sleep in the same room and one is on top of the other?'

Choi! She was a little taken aback, but thinking that since
Little Sor Kow is from Khay-El city and before long he will probably learn it from someone else anyhow, she decided to tell him the truth.
"Errrr… It's called ‘SEX' la."

Little Sor Kow said, "Oh, ok" and went back outside to play with the other kampung kids outside.

A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily,

"Ah Mah, why you bluff me one?…
It is NOT called
‘SEX' la, It's called bunk beds!…..
and Ah Huat's mum said she wants to talk to you."

Little Sor Kow & little Sor KowKow

Little Sor Kow with his four year old bro, little Sor KowKow tagging along, went into the local store.. grabs a box of tampons from the shelf and carries it to the register counter to pay.

The cashier: These must be for your mommy..right?

Little Sor Kow: no la…

The cashier: for your sister ar?

Little Sor Kow: orso not for her la…

The cashier: If they're not for your mommy and not for your sister, who are they for?

Little Sor Kow: Errr…errr… they are for my 4 years old brother here.

The cashier: For your brother? OMG! Do you really know what are these?

Little Sor Kow: Well, yeah! They say on TV …. if you wear one of these you can swim and ride a bike with ease and comfort ….and my little brother here dunno how to swim or write bike yet.

_______________________'F' for maths!

Sor KowKow returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why lidat?" asks the father, Kowpek.

Little Sor KowKow: The teacher asked me, "How much is 2 x 3?" ....

I said '6!'

"But that's right!"

Little Sor KowKow: Then she asked me, "How much is 3 x 2?"

Kowpek: DIUuuuuuuu! Isn't that the same? Kanineh!! Teacher Soooo stooopid one!

Little Sor KowKow: That's exactly what I said and she gave me an 'F' lor!

Monday, January 4, 2010

THINGs are to be USED, PEOPLE to be LOVED!

Oops! I thought I was able to collect back my heart from God’s garage but it has to be recalled back again for other flaws …So there goes not only my heart but my funny bone as well again!

So, instead of some funny thingy you get to read here, I have chosen to share with you this wonderful story I've just read- (get your tissues ready..)


While a man was washing and polishing his new car,
his 4 yr old son picked up a stone and scratched lines on the side of the car.

In anger, the man took the child's hand and hit it many times without realizing he was using a wrench he was holding in his hand.

At the hospital, the child lost all his fingers due to multiple fractures.

When the child saw his father, with painful eyes he asked, “Dad when will my fingers grow back?”

The man was so hurt and speechless seeing what he has done, he went back to his car and kicked it a lot of times.

Devastated by his own actions...... sitting in front of that car he looked at the scratches; the child had actually written 'LOVE YOU DAD'.

The next day that man committed suicide. . .

The moral of this sad story is -
THINGS are to be USED and PEOPLE are to be LOVED and NOT the other way round!

The problem in today's world is that people are used while things are loved! Jialat!

Have a nice day and stop looking silly using your comb to scratch while using your fingers to comb... OK? hahaha!