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Friday, January 15, 2010

AhLian & AhHwei jokes

_____________AH LIAN & 3 AhBENGS

Ah Lian is at a party and three hamsup ahbengs are like flies swarming around her flirtatiously.

Noticing that the ahbengs are ogling at her body.. she decides to have some fun with them. She proposes that if they give her RM5 each, she will show them her legs.

The humsap-chau Ahbengs, charmed by this young girl, each quickly gives her a five ringgit note. Ah Lian pulls up her dress a bit to show her legs.

Then she says, "If each of you ‘hensem’ will give me 10 ringgit, I'll show you my thighs,"

Those chau-ahbengs being what they are, all pull out a 10 ringgit note for her.

Ah Lian then pulls up her dress all the way to her undies making those ahbengs drooling like dogs.

Then Ah Lian says, "If you will give me 100 ringgit each, I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis".

Naturally, without hesitation all three fork over the money.

Then Ah Lian turns to the window and points to a hospital in the distance and says, "There lor!"

_______________AH HWEI'S STUTTERING

Ah Lian accompanies Ah Hwei to meet up with her new found FB friend, Ah Beng.

Ah Hwei: I.. I…I.. vvvverry ssssked la…

Ah Lian: No nid to be sked one la..why chew so sked?

Ah Hwei: af-af-after ar-ar-ar-Ah Beng finds out I-I-I ss-ss-s.-stutter when I-I-I speak, how leh?

Ah Lian: AiYa! Ah Hwei, stutter nia ma.. people can understand what chew say one la, even my cat and my neighbor’s dog also stutter la..but they also understand each other.

Ah Hwei:How-how-how chew know?

Ah Lian: Whenever my cat is playing with the ball, that stupid dog will surely cross over to our porch and goes “Grrrr…grrrr grrr”,
but before he can finish saying “Grow up!” my cat will go “Ffffff, Fffffff, Ffffff”.

That stupid dog also understands and leaves before my cat can finish saying her ffffF...CK OFF!”

____________AH HWEI & AH MAH

Ah Hwei comes downstairs after putting on her new ‘see-thru’ blouse and not wearing any bra to go to a party.

Ah Mah(grandmother) is enraged ….seeing red instead of Ah Hwei's pair of pink…….. , tells her NOT to go out exposing herself like that to all those chau- ahbengs at the party.

Ah Hwei tells her gram, “Ayo! ah mah, nowadays horrr…people not like your time or-ledi. These are modern times, and modern girls are proud to show off their pair of ‘pears’ to their friends one la.” and out she goes before Ah Mah can say anything.

The next morning, when Ah Hwei comes downstairs, grandma is sitting on her arm chair …topless.!

Ah Hwei: “OMG! Ah mah, what-chew doo-ing? How can you go half-naked in the living room like that? My friends are coming over soon…I’ll die if they see my grandma walking around half naked!”

Ah Mah: “Ayoh, Ah Mah orso wants to keep up with the modern times ma…. if your friends like to see your 'pears', I'm sure they'll love seeing Ah Mah's hanging PAPAYAS too.”

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