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Sunday, March 22, 2009

Going Loco with the Lingo?

Teachers going mad and crazy due to teaching subjects in English? For a second, I thought limpek’s old brain cells were giving up on me again, not registering correctly what I was reading.
Could it be actually ‘TEACHERS GOING BAD AND LAZY’ instead that I was misreading or they have misquoted? After all, how could anyone go loco learning a lingo?

Although the English language, as we all know is a crazy language with a grammar system of rules and principles that is even more complicated and scarier than my grandma, it is unlikely in my opinion, that it could have such a drastic effect on those teachers learning the language.

Instead, here’s what I suspect to be the possible cause of teachers going nutty actually….. the students' Ingrish!

If they don't go bonkers, they will probably be scratching their heads bald reading 'Ingrish no Kwailo can understand' such as this Ah Lian’s email to her cikgu-

Dear cikgu,

Last weak, my farder told me that the newspayper got say our teechers gone mad oledi becors they donno how to teech us Signs and Mads in Ingrish. At furs, I din belif my farder until I orso see your hensem face mad mad like that in the newspayper pigcher two gather with many many peeple wokking on the road all shauting dont one to teech us in Ingrish anymore. Why leh?

My farder say the polis shoot woter and orso tia gas at the cloud. I hope you were not hert and your health is in the well now.

I think cikgu shud continew teeching us in Ingrish becors if you chain to teech us in Bahasa same same like you teech us Akauns like that, we will surely cannot
ketchup and fial Signs and Mads orso. My farder orways say learning Ingrish is gud for us. He say can find gud job if we no how to reed and rite Ingrish.

By the way, sorree that I cannot e-meow you erliyer becors my farder say sins my Ingrish so gud he recordman me to go werk as Subtitle-riter for Ah kowpek’s pilot DVD compenis due ring the skool brake. After one weak, my boss say got people say my sub-title very gud, pay for one movie but get two stories. I cleber or not?

After werking there for a hole month I urn a lot of money orledi. I few so happy now becors got money to sellerbread my birds day this Fryday with my frens orledi.
Hope to see you back in skool when the holiday brake is over.

Ah Lian xoxo

Friday, March 13, 2009


Ah9Soh: OMG! Lou koong! …I can see the fine lines on my face liao! Like dat, I look old and ugly oledi la!

Ah9Pek: Aiya!Where got old leh? At least your eyesight is damn perfect macan still see those fine lines! hehehe!

Ah9Soh: I need to get some moisturizers, night cream, Retinol A and….

Ah9Pek: No need la! Buy me more Carlsberg beer better maa!.. Geh-len-tee you’ll always look beautiful like that Long Cool Dane when I 'm drunk enough!

Where can? My breasts so small leh compared to that what- what long-kool dame!

Ah9Pek: Yalor hor, you're so flat...sometimes I cannot even see you orso when you turn sideways!

Ah9Soh: I’m wondering hor.. dunno whether good to go for breast enlargement or not leh? Whatchew think har, lou koong?

No need la lou-phor.. Why don’t you try rubbing TOILET PAPERS in-between your boobs?

Rubbing with TOILET PAPERS in between my boobs can make them bigger meh?

Ah9Pek: Well…it works on your bum, didn’t it?

Cheh!! Don’t try to be farneee .. you better go make a jug of coffee for our breakfast la…

Why it has to be me to make coffee and not you?

Because I just found out the Bible says so ma..

Ah9Pek: Are you sure?

YES! It says ‘HeBrews’, where got say SheBrews’ one leh?

Niamah! Like that orso can!

Oh yes! I almost forgot.. We have to take a pair of your used dirty underwear to your lokter today!

Ah9Pek: Huh? Why need to take my used smelly underwear to my doctor?

You forgot oledi ar? The lokter said he needs your sperm sample, urine sample and your stool sample ..
your underwear
all orso got maaa…!

Ah9Pek: No lou-phor, we must give the sperm sample in that bottle the doctor gave me la.

h: I know leh…lou koong, actually when you sleep oledi last night.. I tried with my right hand and then my left hand ..and even use my mouth..shake shake so long until my hands all tired still cannot come out leh!

Ah9Pek: You did what?

Ah9Soh: Aiya!! I tried to open that bottle the lokter gave you to wash lor…but the cap so tight cannot come out maa!

Ah9Pek: Sweat laa you!

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Something very Unusually me!

To my old ‘sei-tong’ buddies, Cwan and Tequila (that ‘Oink’cology surgeon friend in US)~I don’t know whether to ‘khay’ you people kau-kau or.... to apologize and thank you for reminding me to update here. Limpek was ‘song-song’ enjoying doing something very unusually me here and you have to come and f@rk my guilt for not updating! (For others, like Cornelius my new blogging friend, second option applies-sollee-ha, Paiseh, paiseh... for your disappointed visits here earlier.

By the way, that ‘something very unusually me’ has nothing to do with, or sequent to my previous post. (Please don’t go overboard in thoughts.. okay?)
What I am crapping here is about watching Chinese family-drama series that has never been my cup of tea all along. (As if limpek don't have enough of real-life dramas of my own to count on if I ever need to exercise my emotion faculty..huh?)

In fact, I used to tell
Charlie and Jboy that if they ever catch dad sitting silently in front of a TV with a Chinese drama on, they should call the ambulance immediately or check my pulse! “It‘s definitely a bad sign, probably a stroke or…. I must be dead!” I would tell them.

Although I do sometimes watch costumed kungfu or comedy series, but family dramas? Nay! Never! ...... I mean ‘never’….errr.. at least not until I came across this Singapore TV series called ‘The Little Nyonya, with a storyline weaving around three Baba-Nyonya familes in Malacca and Singapore, from pre-war era to the present.

-The Oois (Huangs) - the sipek f@rked-up rich family in Melaka where our 'Cinderella-Nyonya' unfortunately came from and suffered miserably.

-The Tans (Chens)-the better, not-so f@rked-up and very rich family in Singapore. The supplier of Prince Charmings one generation after another.

-The Teohs (Zhangs)- the very sipek jialat f@rked-up super rich family in Singapore you 'll toolan from the beginning to the end!

That’s how I started doing something very unusually me watching Chinese family drama series! Got hooked right from the start because of its’ rich Malaysian Ching-chong customs and culture that many of us can either relate to or find it shocking.... especially the strict and rigid way of life of the olden days Chinese where a meaningless phrase which sounded something like ‘Tong Tong dunno what…bali-tong!’ was considered vulgar and coarse! (If only those ancestors could sample the varieties of ‘good’ phrases we have these days…I bet their tablets will surely rock & roll off the altars! kekeke!)

I’m sure guys today would rather cut their dicks off than to leave the choice of their lifetime partner in the hands of those old blur-sotong great grannies called ‘Chor-chors like they do in those days! (ishh!!-Those so blardy free and nothing to-do, whole day betel-nut leaves
munching or Ceki-cards playing great grannies! )

…and for the 21st century girls today, I’m sure they would rather go for an air-stewardess job interview than be interviewed and tested for skills in cooking, embroidery and beading by those ‘lansi-lanyong’ rich matriarchs looking for a great-granddaughter in-law in those old days! (Niamah! Dunno whether they are looking for a bride or a factory worker cum servant hor?)

So guys, if you haven’t watch it yet and the Perak's 'Under a Raintree politics' are not entertaining enough for you, go watch this series – ( ) or buy
the DVDs from…you know where laaa hor?

YueNiang: Who says must do florals embroidery?.. I send a message to bodek Chor-Chor... cannot meh?

Chor-Chor did'nt know, I know leh....

After all, YuehNiang is half Japanese ..right? So, it was AJI-NO-MOTO ichi-ban kaneh all the way la!!!
Abo-den, why do you think her cooking tasted so differently well?

Like it or
not, Chor-Chor's word 's always final! Your 'nya-nya'(mom) & 'Ma-mah'(grandma) orso have to kwai kwai obey la.

Weiiii! Chor-chor's waiting to spit out those chewed Betel-nut leaves liao..Don't 'meh-meh' get her the
spitum-pot in time, she's gonna chew you instead!!