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Monday, February 23, 2009

I love sleeping naked!

'Because God created it, the human body can remain nude and uncovered and preserve its splendor and its beauty.'
Pope John Paul II

I love sleeping naked.
Oh yes, I do! I really love to sleep naked especially when it’s hot. Err…. I mean when the weather is hot and not when uncle is excitedly hot…ok?

Before you go “Eeeek! Uncleeeee! Why you so like that one?” please bear in mind that no matter what some cavemen ‘phor-liticans’ (including that Botox buttock-face hamkaling fella) say, there’s nothing wrong or immoral about being naked in privacy. I just don't see how going naked in the privacy of your own room can be disgusting, shameful or damaging to our culture. Should we be ashamed of what’s real about us, about our naked skins? I don’t know what those hamkalings have underneath their sheep’s clothing, what I have is just a ‘friendly weapon’...ahem! ahem!

If ‘godly’ but yet corrupted in mind and deeds ‘phor-liticans’ find their own naked skins unbearable, it’s probably all because nudity is a form of dress which you will call it obscene only when the accessories are not appealing! (ah hah! if you think nudists are people with no fashion sense, think again!) In the NUDE, only all that is not beautiful is obscene.(quick! let's go botox our buttocks as well! hahaha!)

In fact, sleeping naked has advantages. It allows your body to relax more immediately, and you are more likely to fall into a deeper sleep more quickly and wake up refreshed and looking better. (errr...this only applies to those sleeping alone. Others, to obtain same relaxing results, please make sure your sleeping partner is already asleep before you jump into bed in your birthday suit!)

If you are a ‘baru-kahwin’ eager to keep your wife busy for the next nine months, you will be happy to know that there is also evidence of improved fertility in men as a result of your uncovered ‘ding-dongs’ being in cooler conditions when you sleep naked. Besides, it also heightens the level of intimacy between you, and you are likely to 'dot- dot- dot' more often...

..and for those weight-watchers, sleeping naked may help to discourage your after bedtime fridge invasion habit. You will be too darned lazy to put on clothes again to get out to the kitchen unless you want to take the risk of being caught stark naked by other hungry family members or housemates who also habitually frequent the fridge at such odd hours. ( hmmm..maybe this was how 'the Little Nyonya' story all started... master bumping into maid in the kitchen at odd hours!)

Boxer shorts instead of sleeping naked? No, it’s not the same…Wearing any clothing including boxers could potentially cause discomfort while you sleep. The fabrics pressing against the skin and elastics causing tightness around the waist will more likely make you roll around to alleviate the discomfort, potentially causing restless sleep.

Wait a minute! Before you start tearing off your clothes to try out what 31% of men and 13% of women in America do... that is, sleeping naked, it’s best that you should know:

1. You need to keep a dress gown/sarung or a boxer near your bed for emergency use. Believe me, you don’t like to be a hotter stuff than the raging fire in case of a fire emergency.

2. Have a good blanket around to dive into in case it gets colder because being too cold causes your body to restrict your blood flow, and sleeping in these conditions too regularly will hinder your ability to self-repair and may ultimately speed up the aging process.

3. Make very sure your room door is properly locked before someone walks in on you naked and starts screaming, "OMG! I’ve never seen such a small………!”

Lastly but most importantly,

4. Sleeping naked anywhere other than your own house can be dangerous and embarrassing, a high risk of becoming a Youtube Star' and be condemned by those ‘holier than thou, but dirtier than a sow’ cavemen phor-liticians as sinful, even though you are a victim of a prank or even a scandalous plot!

That’s all and I’m off to bed now..............

GOOD NIGHT!....................

Friday, February 13, 2009

'Ta-Siu-Yan'... Let the curse begins!

he conversations between son,Charles and dad here these days are getting more and more Chicken to Duck talk or more accurately, a ‘Hamster to Frog' talk situation!
While dad is ranting on those cilaka YBs mutating into jumping Froggies, teenage son is forever disrupting dad with either his ‘See my hamsters so cute!' or 'See my hair color so nice!' opening statements to another 'hamster or hair' conversation.

Never have I ever come across so much condemnations, curses and hateful remarks in cyberspace being leveled on just one lady (if I may still address her as one) of this country. She has been labeled as a Hon-Kan' traitor to the Chinese race, modern day female Judas and all sorts of extremely degrading nicks for her treacherous sins that shot her to overnight fame notoriety!

I also read about the angry reactions of the public, such as mock funeral
being staged where pictures and paper effigies of her were stomped and burnt to curse death upon her. Her home and service center were pelted with stones and the owner of that rented service center is now reported to be evicting her. Her village folks are openly condemning her in public and accusing her of bringing shame to their village name while market folks are refusing to sell products to anyone related to her. All these, undoubtedly brought her down into history, as the most hated and cursed lady so far in this nation!

When Charles finally caught the drift on what I was ranting, he said,"Eee-yer!, She really 'chau char bor', I think in the olden days the Chinese people would have 'Ta' her 'Siu Yan'" apparently referring to the olden days ritual of 'beating the wicked enemy's soul' to curse her.

'Beating the wicked enemy's soul' or 'Ta Siu Yan' as the Cantonese call it, is a long lost and almost forgotten Chinese ritual practice of swearing and pounding the wooden clog loud and hard on the image of somebody you 'so toolan' and hope to jinx. It's quite similar to the practice of sticking needles into a voodo doll to curse someone.
(see how clever our Chinese forefathers were, to come out with such a healthy psychological way of releasing pent up ill feelings!)

Hmmm… Come to think of it, why not? Why not instead of rowdy street demonstrations or candlelight vigils, we have a Chinese culture rediscovery experience of a mass Ta Siu Yan ritual event organized? Such an event would not only help the HEE-haters to de-stress themselves but also be seen as a wonderful cultural tourist attraction as we rediscover this lost Chinese tradition. Besides, we can also get into the Guinness book of records for having the first ever mass Ta Siu Yan ritual, another Malaysia Boleh achievement to grab!

Wow! Just imagine how spectacular and fun the scene can be with hundreds of participants (like those shaolin temple scenes like dat..) squatting along the roadside or in an open space carpark, all simultaneously and rhythmically hammering their wooden clogs away while cursing....

“Ta lei-ke sei yan thou, ta lei-ke sei yan hau!(Hit your blardy head, hit your blardy mouth!)

Ta lei-ke sei yan keok, ta lei-ke sei yan sau!(hit your blardy legs, Hit your blardy hands!)

Tarng lei harng toe pin, hark toe pin... (so that wherever you go, bad luck follows)

Hoe-keh ngmm lei, chau-keh ngmm chow! (Good things never come, bad things never leave!)

How about that? Wanna join me 'Ta' that "SIU YAN' and whack this 'HONKan-frog' kau kau until she 'swei' for a million years? Anyone?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

The HEE-Haw- HEE WHORE Silver State.

What is happening in the silver state of Perak these days is so sickening that I do not want to go into the details to avoid tainting my blog here with dirt and filth…that smells of betrayal, corruption, shame and injustice!

It’s all about ‘MONEY TALKS, MORALS take a WALK’

..and if you are once again, catching NO ball to what I’m 9pek9bo-ing about…PLEASE DON”T TRY! (for this post ONLY)

DON’T kaypo2 and gau2 like-dat go read about it because when you find out whattafark is making IPOH MALI to become IPOH MALU:

1. You’ll start planning to immigrate and we will be losing another human in this jungle!

2. You may Hee-haw like a donkey, when you find out what this Lady HEE- whore has done! That lame LAME... what's her NAME that brought so much SHAME? PTUI!

3. The shocking exposure may be too worrying AND HAZARDOUS for you to swallow. Your HEALTH may go DOWN faster than the ECONOMY and by the time the economy is UP, so will be your tombstone!

4. You may want to immediately stop wasting your valuable time in college …fark those books and assignments and just go and become a clerk or postman, knowing that you can still earn millions and also get free Camry cars to drive in the end!

5. You’ll find that the ‘IN’ color is BLACK. ..Yellow, Orange, Red or any other color is NO NO!... especially if it is ‘DARK’ toned!

6. You’ll learn that facing corruption charges is NO BIG DEAL… there is still a great DEMAND for CORRUPTED people out there .and they are paying GOOD MONEY to have them!

7. You‘ll learn that WHEN FROGS TURN INTO PRINCES, the story ‘ll have a GOOD ENDING but WHEN your ADUNs TURN INTO FROGS, it’s as GOOD AS ENDING!

8. You‘ll learn that HIJACKING is no longer a job specialty restricted to SEA-PIRATES ONLY! They have OUTSOURCED it to politicians nowadays!

9. You‘ll learn that to some people, ANGKAT SUMPAH (taking oath) and ANGKAT SAMPAH (taking trash) means the same thing!

10. and finally, You’ll be HAPPY to know that the MB of Perak, Datuk Seri Nizar is truly one popular, respected and very much loved MB by all races, NOT only in Perak, but throughout Malaysia!

SCARY LEH? ABO-DEN you think why I didn’t blog for a week? LOLs!

Monday, February 2, 2009

2009 Year Of The OX FROG!

As I have suspected, those ancient Chinese astrologers really did f@rked up when they charted the Chinese Zodiac.
The year 2009 is supposed to be the year of the OX according to their charts, but what’s happening these days in AnyThingCanLand tells me it should be more accurately, the year of the FROG!(got no frog in the zodiac one meh?)

"Niamah ChoeChoong-Sap-pat toi!(your mum's 18 generations of ancestors!)".....
Before we could finish wishing each other 'GONGXI FA CAI', some people are already turning into 'Gong-Sifatt chyes' (
stupid little assholes) to start the 'Leapfrogging Game' in the state of Perak, hoping to bring down the present 'people's choice' Pakatan state government there!

The events there are making limpek more and more
blur-sotong each day because those Gong-Sifatt chyes who were reported missing 'a la Bala' and initially rumored to be hopping like frogs are now denying both their missing status as well as their alleged hopping. Are they telling the truths or are these frogs turning into chickens?