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Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Xin Nian Dao le, so..Can I fook you?

Xin Nian Dao, Can I f__k you?

errr…… I mean "The new year is here, so Can I fook you?”

Wait!…Hold your horses!
Before you start accusing me of being hardcore vulgar and that I am offering my salacious proposal here, let me explain….

Actually, what I am trying to say is...
Can I you?” to ask whether I can wish you Good blessing or fortune.[ -chok fook in Cantonese

After all, it's Chinese New year, a time where we traditionally go happily ‘fook-ing’ one another..don't we? hahaha!

And for a bit of info on the Chinese 'ching-chong' tradition........

The Chinese character (fook) means ‘Good Fortune’, 'Blessing' or ‘Happiness’ and sometimes this symbol is invertedly hung or pasted as a decorative item since an upside down ‘fook read as FU DAO in Mandarin, sounds very similar to the words ‘FORTUNE arrived! So there you are, we Chinese have fun ‘fook-ing upside down’ everything in sight to bring good omen! hahaha!

Hanging or pasting the inverted 'Fook' symbol everywhere...on containers, on the doors, on the walls...and Oops! someone must have pasted one on the butt of baby 'Small[sai]Foo' too..that would explain a lot of things these days! LOL!

The Story behind....

...... the Upside Down 'Fook' symbol I mean and not Small[sai] Foo's butt...ok?

The ‘Fook-ing upside down’ custom originated from this story which happened during the reign of emperor Zhu Yuan Zhang of the Ming dynasty (limpek mia Zhu ancestor, if you need to!)

One day, to keep in touch with the outside world, Emperor Zhu masqueraded himself, hiding his royal identity he went about ‘kaypo-ing’ in the streets of his kingdom. (hmmm.. niaseng, I bet he was actually out there looking for the best Bak-kua, tee kueh or kueh kapek in town to celebrate CNY!.)

Anyway, back to the story…. the Emperor got very ‘toolan’ (exasperated) when he came upon a poster ridiculing his wife, the Empress! The enraged emperor Zhu ordered his ‘macai’ (soldiers) to investigate and to trace who were those ‘boh-kasi-hamkalings’ responsible for making a joke out of his wife, the Empress!

Before long the culprits were traced and their homes identified. The emperor ordered his macais to mark the culprits’ home by pasting a ‘Fook’ symbol on their doors that night so that they could return to fry their asses the next day!

Upon hearing this, the kind, tolerant and forgiving Empress quickly went into action to save the very lives of those culprits who had angered her husband for ridiculing her. That night, she secretly sent her own ‘macais’ out to order every household to paste the ‘Fook’ symbol on their doors too as to confuse the infuriated emperor and his soldiers when they come looking for asses to fry the next day..

s it happened, most of the villagers were 'sipek sorhai bo tak chek' (stupid illiterates).... in their hurry, they mistakenly pasted the
‘Fook’ symbol upside down without even realizing it.

Emperor Zhu was confused and even more ‘toolan’ (enraged) when he saw the inverted symbol the next day but before he could go, “Kannineh, limpek now so toolan .......” the Empress quickly said....... "Aiya, hubby lou-koong.... See la, the villagers are so happy knowing that their most loved emperor is coming, they even pasted the ‘Fook’ symbol upside down to mean your visit is like the arrival of Good fortune and happiness to them!

The Emperor was so ‘shiok-ed’ (delighted) with the explanation, he forgave the offenders. Asses saved and thus started this trend of Fooking upside down’ to bring good omen during the celebration of the Chinese New Year.

End of story... Have a wonderful '-ing' CHINESE NEW YEAR!


Monday, February 1, 2010

Y? Y? Tell me Why!

Back 9pek9bo-ing here again but….errrr…ermmm… wadda-efff was I planning to write just minutes ago? (scratching head......)

Sei lor! Am I having early signs of the Alzheimer’s disease or is it just a post depression thingy? No wonder my son always says “Lou tau, I think you nyanyuk (dementia) oledi laa!”..and when he said it again last night I was quick to hantam balik (shot back) "No la..I don't think so, I can still recall very well the incident last week at the pasar malam where your friend mistaken me for your brother leh!" hahahaha!

Niamah! Why is it so easy for me to forget the things I need to remember and yet so hard to forget the awful things that need to be forgotten?

Oh, fuck a duck! Here I go again… letting the PAST steal my PRESENT, wasting tears for griefs of yesterdays…..guess I better ‘duck the fuck’ instead and change my mental frequency here to think of something funny to post instead… (Well, they say 'Shared grief is half the sorrow, but when HAPPINESS is shared, it's DOUBLED!)

But really…. come to think of it, there are so many unanswerable
'whys' in life, with some so perplexingly funny too.

Recently a close friend called to tell me the great news that his wife is pregnant and I asked, Weiiii! Did you notice that her friends all came to rub her stomach as they congratulated her but kannineh, w
hy none of them came to rub your d1cky and say ‘Well done’ or ‘Good job’ huh or even 'Good SHOT!' to be precise?”

Since I mentioned about that Alzheimer's disease …It’s baffling me
why more money is now being spent on researching how to enlarge the size of ladies boobs and resurrecting men's dead dicks than on finding a cure for this horrible disease?

I have no complains about those B (Barely Boobs) cup size ladies going for breast implants …but I can’t understand why those already being gifted with a C (Can’t Complain) cup size risking their lives to have a heavy pair of F’s (Farking Fakes) (o)(o)?

Neither am I complaining about those impotent grandpas telling me that they are going to China to find err...some new found relatives, some ‘piao-meis’ (cousin sisters) with the help of ‘brother Wei’ (WEI KER a.k.a Viagra) but isn’t it more important that these impotent grandpas pay more attention to their hardened arteries and rising blood pressure instead of their hardened dickies and up-rising pleasures?

With ladies engrossed in enlarging boobs, men busy strengthening or lengthening their old flag poles and nobody interested in finding a cure for the Alzheimer's disease now, hmmmmm.... by the year 2040, won't we be seeing a lot of old nyanyuk (dementia) grandmas with BIG saggy boobs and old nyanyuk grandpas with huge erections, all absolutely having no recollection of what to do with them? … hahahaha!

But...the mother or all
whys in my mind now which is kind of disturbing is ... Why I rather not tell you the title of this movie I gonna watch as soon as I finish posting this! Please don't ask me WHY..ok?

<<<< See for yourself, to tell you the title leh?