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Tuesday, July 20, 2010

"Lampar la-lu, referee!”

It’s all over! No more starting the day bleary eyed. No more shattering the peaceful silence, waking myself (and the neighbors too, I think ) with my alarm clock just for those crazy morning world cup matches. Life is back to normal! (errm…how normal can an eccentric guy be after all?)

Like it has always been and without which the games would be monotonously boring, World Cup 2010 had it's fair share of controversies. We still have 'blur-sotong' referees sending off the wrong players and disallowing legitimate goals…such as that England's goal which had Jboy in stitches when I blurted out, "Lampar la-lu, referee!”(translated to mean-Balls to you!). He accused me of being vulgar but I told him I was just referring to Frank Lampard, the player who shot that goal the referee denied! hehehe!

(Maybe this was what that Uruguay referee saw....
an African geometric design goal line. hehehe!)

Germany has Paul, I have Jboy who's equally color blind.....

While the world looks upon Paul, the psychic German octopus to predict the outcome of the games, I actually found my own strange way of some kind of premonition of the games too.

Over a few matches, I noticed that whenever Jboy leaves his seat to go to the kitchen to make a drink or to the washroom to ease, surely our favorite team for that game will score a goal! Believe me, I swear to DIE   err..I mean DYE (my hair)  if it did not actually happened 4 out of 5 times!

He said it was just coincidence and I told him that he can consider himself lucky that dad's not a gambler and not betting on the games. Otherwise, limpek will surely lock him up in the toilet for the duration of the game whenever my favored team plays! hahaha!

KTK durians.. anyone?

On the day after the final, some friends told me they were going to Balik Pulau for KTK durians to celebrate Spain winning the cup. I asked, "Why KTK? What's so special?.

They said, "Aiyo, loo ngmm chye ar? Named after KTK because like him, these durians BO HOOD (seedless) one!" LOL! [*Ask any Penangite if you dunno who's KTK :)]

If you are dreaming and yearning like me for the day our national team qualifies to play in the World Cup… let’s keep it in our prayers and not deny ourselves this fervent hope. After all, nothing is impossible as long as we take positive steps to make changes for the desired results.

These thoughts somehow prompted me to make this VOTER REGISTRATION poster on one of those early mornings while waiting for the game to start.

Nothing bias intended, just a reminder for folks to register as a voter to make your voice heard and your choice count!

While we wait for that to happen,  let’s have a good laugh with this football joke ….

The Football Training Joke.

Impressed by the Spaniards' performance in the World Cup 2010, the BODOHLAND Football Team official phones Spain Coach Vicente Del Bosqueto to find out what training methods they could use to produce a champion national team.

"Dustbins" says Vicente Del Bosqueto, "Position dustbins around the training pitch and get your players to pass the ball between them, dribble round them, chip the ball over them, shoot between them, it'll improve all round ball control".

“Errr…. Mr. Bosqueto, I don’t think we have such ‘special’ dustbins you are talking about here.” said the official.

“Okay, in that case I can send ours over to you since we don't need them now that we are champs. ”

A week later, Vicente Del Bosqueto's phone rings…


“Yes. What’s the problem now? You haven’t received the dustbins I sent you?

, “No..No.. We have, but errr…..
your Spanish dustbins are winning our team 3-1!  
What do I do now?"

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The Vuvuzela virus in me!

I have all the symptoms of it! Dark circles, bloodshot eyes, headaches, lack of concentration and dozing away in the afternoons. Yessir! I’m infected with the World Cup fever….again!

I've caught this strange illness that comes around every four years and like many millions in this eastern part of the globe, I have been staying up late, depriving myself the much needed sleep just to watch 20 sohais running up and down my TV screen chasing and fighting for a tiny speck of a ball while 2 even more sohai fellas do nothing but wait at both ends for that ball!

During such football frenzy period everything in my life has to freeze as nothing to me is more important than enjoying the world cup games even at odd hours!

In fact, this is the time limpek just don’t ‘hew-lan’ f@rking care whether our Bolehland is going bankrupt in 2019 or going to end with the rest of the world in 2012, much less bothered with what name our numero uno 'friend' is giving his pussy! (Aiya, most people call their pussy Ceebai if you asked me, I would call her 1Ceebai and be done with it so that I can get on with something more important …the world Cup 2010! )

Just for now, nothing is more satisfying to me than munching crispy ‘eoh-char koays’ dipped in hot aromatic 'Kopi-Or kau kau’ (thick black coffee) while I watch my favorite 'or-len' Holland team send Uruguay to 'Hor Lan' like they did with those Samba kakis the other day!(Achtung! My other favorite is of course..Germany!.. )
(delirious joy becoming a Dutch for day and German for another..hahaha!)

Yea I know..  this may sound crazy or even total madness to those of you who are not hooked and I don’t think it is possible to explain what is in it that drives millions like me into this frenzy.

Talking about football madness, I found out nothing can be more crazy and hilarious than inviting a seventy plus old lady to join me a watching world cup match. That was exactly what I did when I was just a lad who thought it was a good idea to get our 72 years old family ‘ma-chneah’ nanny /godmother to accompany me watching the games in the wee hours of the morning.

“Why are those people running all over the field?she asked.

I said, "They are fighting to get the ball.”

“Why? They don’t have money to buy everyone a ball?”

I said, "It’s just a game la”

…and she went, "Ayo! What a stupid game! Isn’t it easier to grab the ball with their hands instead of legs and run home with it if they want the ball?”

After a while she remarked to correct me, "I think you are wrong la, nobody wants the ball. Everyone seems to be kicking the ball away to others la! Even that two smarter guys who know how to grab the ball with their hands also threw it back to them.. see?”

“Maybe it has dog’s pooh on it” I joked and spun to go along with her na├»ve perception.

I then made one of the greatest mistake in my life that morning, trying to explain to her what a football game is and what the FIFA rules say and almost died bursting my lungs laughing when she kept asking, "Who the heck is this 'Fei Fah'…that fat aunty Fei Ma’s sister ..issit?”

Thank God I survived the many years of madness and live till today to enjoy another round of football phenomenon or madness as you may want to call it….