Wednesday, December 31, 2008
“So long, fair well .... goodbye 2008!
Thank you for the wonderful time ..
It's now over but you'd been great!”
Just as I was writing the above to bid adios to the old year,Charlie popped me with the question…….
“Dad, aren’t you going to blog about your New Year Resolutions for this year?”
I went, “ Oei! You think your dad is a sinful criminal desperately needing repentance and resolutions to reform or what? Last year’s ones also not kowtim yet…wanna make some more resolutions ar? ”
Frankly, I ‘m not so worried about the weakness in me for breaking almost all the resolutions I made over the years (which hamkaling doesn't?), I’m more concerned with my foolishness for repeatedly making them in the first place! While April Fools are people being fooled by others, December fools are self-made!
With that in mind about making New Year Resolutions but yet, not wanting to miss out the fun last December when I started my 9pek9bo-ing here, I jumped in the wagon of December fools and I posted my nine 9pek9bo 2008 Resolutions then....choosing to be a witty fool then to be a foolish wit!
So instead of making new ones this year....I listened to our 'velly cleber gaomen's call to 'JIMAT' and recycle the good old ones here, updated with added comments-
1.Damnit! There was nothing wrong with my memory or interpretations! It must be those screwed up motor factory people who screwed in the wrong kind of meter that was screwing my brains with confusion! Installing the correct one which looks like this solved the E & F confusion-
See? I was right all along.. at the bottom section of the meter, ‘E’ means 'E'NOUGH money in my WALLET ..and ‘F’ means my WALLET money 'F'INITO liao!
2. Already confirmed with the departmental store management, they really meant canine pets and NOT the aunties! They disallow pet dogs because their hair are usually groomed RESEMBLING their owners (some even dressed like their owners!) and the management do not want to get embarrassed finding some silly blur-blur salesgirls getting confused, giving sales talks to the wrong bitches!
3. No longer need to argue with the authorities about WHETHER this sign refers to BLACK or WHITE ciggi…I just tell them that it is evidently clear that it was the CIGARETTE that was SMOKING and NOT ME! ......I WAS JUST A SUCKER! :qp
4. Still working very hard on this tough one, especially nowadays when Charles is more into abstract photography Art .... Niamahfoolat! He thinks my wrinkles and nose hairs can make good subjects for his abstract Macro shots!
5. This is farking hard to accomplish especially when I need to eff-off those F[_]cking BohNow brain-farked KKN, CCB, MCH, LC, PKM UNMOral policitians who were unfortunately micraulous-fcukingly NOT DROWNED in the March 8 tsuNIAMAH! (Thank you 2008! that was the best present we had in 50 years!) This is the only avenue i can diu them
without spoiling my ballot paper ma!
6. Like faithful LOVERS, the Old HABITS couldn’t GO, they say, " YOU GO, I GO la!..." Niamah! if only people can be as faithful as my HABITs! (No wonder I spend more time with my bad HABITS than with people..unless of course, they are my BAD HABITS!)
7. Not working perfectly here cos' by the time I struggled to get into my old tight Latin Ballroom clothes, the allocated dance practice time already almost over! Besides, I think I found a more practical exercise to get back into shape.. RUNNING!
I 'm getting the kick out of running from the bedroom to the fridge in the kitchen umpteen times a day! I'm getting into shape, alright!...into the shape resembling my fridge I mean...Sei Lor!
8. They are no longer looking like ******* (7stars)wor.................but more like this ....... (seven dots) geh? Anyway, to avoid forgetting the passwords, I just need to tell someone about it.
Huh? Not right meh? If NOT, then why are they calling it PASSwords if I don't pass the words info to somebody?
9. “Oh Manikam, Manikam! Wherefore art thou Mr. Manikam?
Money is down, recession hurts.
All I need is you… Mr. Manikam,
to sell me that winning ticket!
So once again I repeat,
WHEREFORE ART THOU, Mr.Manikam? You BLARDY SLIPPERY SLIMY JERK!
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Ah9Pek woke up the next morning after a night of over-indulgence of drinks at the company’s Christmas party…
Ah9Pek: lou phor! Got Panadol or not?…My head spinning like our washing machine like that….terrible headache la!
Ah9Soh: Aiyoh! You very kowlat la… last night mabuk (drunk) until behave like ‘siao lang’ like that!
Ah9Pek: Was it that ‘jialat’ (bad) like last year meh?
Ah9Soh: Even worse!
You insulted your boss right into his face…saying he'd probably kill his own grandmother if he found out he could sell tickets to the funeral…..
and his wife is so fat that you think she needs a DUNLOP instead of KOTEX!
Ah9Pek: I really said that? But she’s really fat ma.. and that 'PKM' money-face boss is an asshole… Piss on him!
Ah9Soh: You did ….. and he fired you on the spot!
Ah9Pek: Kanineh! Screw him la!
Ah9Soh: I did! …and you're re-employed back at work on Monday!
Friday, December 26, 2008
Yeah!….It’s Boxing Day!...
But errr….wattafahk is boxing day? Made me spent half a day losing my marbles, wondering why those 'ang mors' need a 'boxing' day?...Could it be a special day set aside for me to go around boxing or punching those ‘chup cheng’ people I so toolan for making my life miserable, immediately just a day after professing love, tolerance and forgiveness in the spirit of Christmas?
How I wish it is, but unfortunately it’s not! It’s neither a day I thought we can just hang around the house naked except for our boxer shorts to air our ‘jingle bells’ in the cool December air!
According to what I just read, it is the day after Christmas day for giving and receiving gifts during medieval times in
. (yea, people are more patient in those olden days...they don't 'kancheong-kancheong' unwrap the presents on Christmas morning like we do). It’s also St. Stephen’s Day.( Dunno who's this fella Stephen, but nevermind that because everyday seems to be some kind of saint’s day in the catholic calendar) Britain
The word ‘boxing’ comes from the clay box they used in those days where the workers, their towkays (bosses) and customers put gratuities into it like our present day piggy bank, which would be ceremonially smashed on Boxing Day for the workers to share out among themselves or have a jolly good time. Thus the origin of Boxing Day was all to do with Christmas presents and bonus and not punching someone or wearing just my coolest boxers to air my dingalings!
Monday, December 22, 2008
Listening to Christmas songs and carols at this time of the year not only brings me elating joy but also sweet sentimental memories of yesteryears, especially those carefree years when I was much, much, much younger….and naturally, ahem! ahem!..much more…….
Sigh! How I miss those wonderful slaphappy freewheeling years of my life! If any Genie can grant me this wish of time-travel, I am prepared and willing to rub more than just his lamp, even if it has to be his jingling bells that‘ll make him go ‘Ho-Ho-ing’ ecstatically just like Santa does, when he
cums comes a calling once a year! Oops! Oh Naughty me! ..
Do I still get presents from that Mr.Obesity in Red if I’m naughty but still nice? I know I’m no angel.. but at least I don’t shaft the pinnacle of my Christmas tree into the arse of an angel like many people do!…I prefer a Bethlehem Star instead on the top of my Christmas tree anytime.
Anyway, in the absence of my angelic looking devil-in disguise, attention-seeking, chatty son, Charlie who is away at college (probably, making Christmas miserable for somebody else…), I could not think of anything more enthralling that I could do than to have a cup of freshly brewed coffee in hand and plunging my lazy old butt onto the sofa to savor the wonderful feelings of Christmas in the quietness of my home… listening to Christmas songs
Angel ARES delivered.
‘We Three Kings’, a carol about the 3 wise men from the orient, following the
asylum home is powered by both electricity and eccentricity!
Hmmm... If they really came from afar ....from Bodohland here, it will be ISA of Kamunting they'll find and not baby Isa of Bethlehem!
Another of our favorite is of course ‘The first NOEL’ meaning the first Christmas… and this is one of the two songs that brought me laughter the way young Charlie sang them in his younger years.
Whenever young Charles started his "Noe-VELL~ oh Noe-VELLLLL…" like he was paid to announce the arrival of the season.... I would respond teasing him, “ Eh? NO WELL? …
NO WELL, GO SEE DOCTOR LA!”.. …and before I could even finished laughing out 'Ho Ho Ho!', he would go around the house breaking the peaceful silence of the SILENT NIGHT with his personal ultimate "Best Christmas hit' singing, "FELIX, NEVER DIE!....Felix, Never Die!" instead of Feliz Navidad!
As for the commercial ones, I love almost all of the them. White Christmas’ sounds sentimental to me. Not that I had any romantic ‘winter solstice’ mushy mushy thingy before. It really sounds good especially when my walls are white, the floor tiles are white and niamah!..….even the many balls of used dirty tissues carelessly thrown and strewn all over the floor by the 2 ‘chew–cheng-kias’ who could missed the waste basket by miles are also White!
Christmas wouldn't be Christmas
if you can't raise a smile…
Even if Christmas JOY is not the source of your SMILE,
let your SMILE be the source of Christmas JOY to others around you.
No matter what SHIT has happened, you haven’t lost your SMILE at all..
It’s there! RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE! Let it OUT NOW!
Gimme one of your best B4 you leave and
have a Smashing wonderful MERRY CHRISTMAS!!