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Monday, August 31, 2009

Our Spooky Pasar Malam Trips.

Charlie was riding pillion on our weekly trip to the nearby Pasar malam (night market) to get those Rm5 for three cakes last Wednesday evening when …

Just before reaching the junction at the corner of our residential car-park area, he said, “Dad, don’t go that way, it’s better to turn left and take the other longer route.”

Huh? The shortcut is too dark for your comfort… issit?”

Hungry Ghost month maaa! Ma huan la! (problematic)”, he answered.

“Oh! Hungry Ghost month!… you scared the ‘hantu tektek (the big breast ghost)’ choke you with her gigantic bOObs because you always open your mouth and talk nonsense. ..issit?” I quipped.

Charlie:I don’t mean that kind of ‘hungry ghosts’ la… You know la, dad… Those blue blue ones, whole day haven’t eaten throughout this month, hiding behind trees like ‘sip chaeng kwai’ with small notebook in hand, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting motorcyclist type la… Get what I mean?”

Me: “Ohhh! I see what you mean now. Those errr… pei-phei, moe-chih, ha-lau, chin-kak , chook sang pat yuee, choe kwai ngmm laeng, mah- kow-funKOPI-OR hungry ghosts…. hahaha!”

Charlie: “Ayo! What a mouthful of debasing Cantonese invectives you are spewing! Dad, with you around…I feel a lot safer because it won’t be me ‘hantu tektek’ should be targeting her boobs at after all.. hehehe!”

________ Fast forwarding to…….

On the ride back from the pasar malam, just as I turned left at the same junction mentioned earlier where the street lamp has not been working for sometime, I suddenly caught a glimpse of a girl standing alone in the dark corner on the grass besides the road, with a helmet in her hand like she was waiting for someone to give her a lift.

“OMG! Did you see that girl, Charlie?

Wattafark did she paint her face with? She looks like she’s wearing a white Japanese Kabuki mask …

Diu-niaseng! She scared the shit out of me pulak!”

Without wasting that good opportunity the ‘kwailan’
Charlie responded, “Where got? You are sure or nottttt? I didn’t see anyone wor…Die la you! You must have seen one of those real ‘cannot mention at night this month’ type oledee! kekeke!”

On hearing that, I felt a little uneasy even though I knew Charlie was teasing me because my mind was then wandering back to one particular spooky incident that happened at this same Wednesday pasar malam venue three years ago.....

....We were watching a Chinese medicine peddler about to perform some stunts to pull in the crowd at the far end of the field, near where a grave stood hidden by a mound of encircling hill, a little away from the brightly lit pasar malam stalls.

Just when the medicine peddler was about to get into his act after so much of ‘saliva spewing’ sales talk and his mambo jambo act to invite ‘his little friend’ (toyol?) to assist done, Charlie turned to me with a very disturbed look on his face and said, “Let’s getttt outtt of here fastttt!”

“Ayaa! What a spoilsport!” “Wait la, watch a little more..Can ar?” I pleaded.

He kept on insisting to leave immediately and from his tone of voice and facial expression, I knew something was really wrong. Without any further questioning, I relented and we left the show.

As I reluctantly walked away from the crowd, Charlie kept warning me in very troubled tone, “Dad! Don’t look back! Don’t look back!”

From the fear and urgency I saw in him, I guessed he must have just seen ‘something’ others are unable to, an uncanny ability he has since he was a kid, which can be sometimes extremely freaking scary even for an adult like me when you get to hear what he sees!

Only much later when he felt calmer and more relaxed back in the comfort of our home, he disclosed to me his preternatural sighting at the pasar malam that night….

He actually saw a young girl about 4 or 5 years old, with very pale whitish face and very dark eye-rings in some strange out-of the era clothes and shoes....staring at us from across the opposite side of the crowd!!!!!!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Our children’s ‘LAUGH DIE ME’ Ingrish!

In one of those ‘sembang-kupsiao’ sessions we had whenever the workload eases in between hectic work schedules in our office, we started ranting on the deteriorated standard of the English language these days.

Apparently, students these days are confused with the phonetics of English language with that of the Bahasa Malaysia. We had so much laughter that day, sharing our personal hilarious encounters with our children's ‘laugh die people’ mispronounced English words.

It all started when I told them how my #1 son used to say POWS instead of PAUSE and whenever he requested me to 'POWS' the movie we were watching on DVD, that cheeky #2 son (would be quick to respond on my behalf wittingly, “No need la.. We can RE-WEEN (Rewind) back for you easily maa…hehehe!”

James then told us how he once overheard his son’s conversation with his classmate, weaving around on how to SER TOOP a particular program. He caught no balls on what the kids meant by SER TOOP but not wanting to risk being labeled as backward in IT or a 'kaypo-apek' he didn’t ask them for clarification. It only dawned on him much later that they were discussing on how to SETUP the program!

Fizul then told us that his 10 years old son once hurried him to quickly finish his bath, knocking on the bathroom door saying “Pa, cepat mandi! Astro TV is showing OON CHOOT edition of FRIDAY the 13th movie!


OON CHOOT lah… U…., N…, C…, U…, T.. Oon choot!”

Another friend told us that his 7years old son ordered CHOCHA~CHOLA at the kopitiam and the confused apek said, "Ta lak!" (should have recommended him 7-OOP (7up) la instead and a plate of Chicken CHOOT-LET (cutlet) too... hahaha!)

The most humorous "LAUGH DIE ME' Ingrish contribution that day came from Puan Khairiah who told us what she heard her daughter said when her path was blocked by her siblings...

She heard the young lass asked, “Can I PASS A WAY?(she wanna pass away?….. lol!

I must say thanks to those smart asses who decided to abandon the English language as the teaching medium in our education system … the 'Ingrish' language is getting funnier by the day and I'm having so much fun abetting in the corruption and murder of this beautiful language! Really 'laugh-die-me' la!!!