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Monday, August 31, 2009

Our Spooky Pasar Malam Trips.








Charlie was riding pillion on our weekly trip to the nearby Pasar malam (night market) to get those Rm5 for three cakes last Wednesday evening when …

Just before reaching the junction at the corner of our residential car-park area, he said, “Dad, don’t go that way, it’s better to turn left and take the other longer route.”

Huh? The shortcut is too dark for your comfort… issit?”

Hungry Ghost month maaa! Ma huan la! (problematic)”, he answered.

“Oh! Hungry Ghost month!… you scared the ‘hantu tektek (the big breast ghost)’ choke you with her gigantic bOObs because you always open your mouth and talk nonsense. ..issit?” I quipped.

Charlie:I don’t mean that kind of ‘hungry ghosts’ la… You know la, dad… Those blue blue ones, whole day haven’t eaten throughout this month, hiding behind trees like ‘sip chaeng kwai’ with small notebook in hand, waiting to pounce on unsuspecting motorcyclist type la… Get what I mean?”

Me: “Ohhh! I see what you mean now. Those errr… pei-phei, moe-chih, ha-lau, chin-kak , chook sang pat yuee, choe kwai ngmm laeng, mah- kow-funKOPI-OR hungry ghosts…. hahaha!”

Charlie: “Ayo! What a mouthful of debasing Cantonese invectives you are spewing! Dad, with you around…I feel a lot safer because it won’t be me ‘hantu tektek’ should be targeting her boobs at after all.. hehehe!”


________ Fast forwarding to…….

On the ride back from the pasar malam, just as I turned left at the same junction mentioned earlier where the street lamp has not been working for sometime, I suddenly caught a glimpse of a girl standing alone in the dark corner on the grass besides the road, with a helmet in her hand like she was waiting for someone to give her a lift.

“OMG! Did you see that girl, Charlie?

Wattafark did she paint her face with? She looks like she’s wearing a white Japanese Kabuki mask …

Diu-niaseng! She scared the shit out of me pulak!”








Without wasting that good opportunity the ‘kwailan’
Charlie responded, “Where got? You are sure or nottttt? I didn’t see anyone wor…Die la you! You must have seen one of those real ‘cannot mention at night this month’ type oledee! kekeke!”

On hearing that, I felt a little uneasy even though I knew Charlie was teasing me because my mind was then wandering back to one particular spooky incident that happened at this same Wednesday pasar malam venue three years ago.....

....We were watching a Chinese medicine peddler about to perform some stunts to pull in the crowd at the far end of the field, near where a grave stood hidden by a mound of encircling hill, a little away from the brightly lit pasar malam stalls.

Just when the medicine peddler was about to get into his act after so much of ‘saliva spewing’ sales talk and his mambo jambo act to invite ‘his little friend’ (toyol?) to assist done, Charlie turned to me with a very disturbed look on his face and said, “Let’s getttt outtt of here fastttt!”

“Ayaa! What a spoilsport la..you!” “Wait la, watch a little more..Can ar?” I pleaded.

He kept on insisting to leave immediately and from his tone of voice and facial expression, I knew something was really wrong. Without any further questioning, I relented and we left the show.

As I reluctantly walked away from the crowd, Charlie kept warning me in very troubled tone, “Dad! Don’t look back! Don’t look back!”

From the fear and urgency I saw in him, I guessed he must have just seen ‘something’ others are unable to, an uncanny ability he has since he was a kid, which can be sometimes extremely freaking scary even for an adult like me when you get to hear what he sees!

Only much later when he felt calmer and more relaxed back in the comfort of our home, he disclosed to me his preternatural sighting at the pasar malam that night….

He actually saw a young girl about 4 or 5 years old, with very pale whitish face and very dark eye-rings in some strange out-of the era clothes and shoes....staring at us from across the opposite side of the crowd!!!!!!

Monday, August 24, 2009

Our children’s ‘LAUGH DIE ME’ Ingrish!








In one of those ‘sembang-kupsiao’ sessions we had whenever the workload eases in between hectic work schedules in our office, we started ranting on the deteriorated standard of the English language these days.

Apparently, students these days are confused with the phonetics of English language with that of the Bahasa Malaysia. We had so much laughter that day, sharing our personal hilarious encounters with our children's ‘laugh die people’ mispronounced English words.

It all started when I told them how my #1 son used to say POWS instead of PAUSE and whenever he requested me to 'POWS' the movie we were watching on DVD, that cheeky #2 son (would be quick to respond on my behalf wittingly, “No need la.. We can RE-WEEN (Rewind) back for you easily maa…hehehe!”






James then told us how he once overheard his son’s conversation with his classmate, weaving around on how to SER TOOP a particular program. He caught no balls on what the kids meant by SER TOOP but not wanting to risk being labeled as backward in IT or a 'kaypo-apek' he didn’t ask them for clarification. It only dawned on him much later that they were discussing on how to SETUP the program!


Fizul then told us that his 10 years old son once hurried him to quickly finish his bath, knocking on the bathroom door saying “Pa, cepat mandi! Astro TV is showing OON CHOOT edition of FRIDAY the 13th movie!

“What OON CHOOT?”

OON CHOOT lah… U…., N…, C…, U…, T.. Oon choot!”


Another friend told us that his 7years old son ordered CHOCHA~CHOLA at the kopitiam and the confused apek said, "Ta lak!" (should have recommended him 7-OOP (7up) la instead and a plate of Chicken CHOOT-LET (cutlet) too... hahaha!)







The most humorous "LAUGH DIE ME' Ingrish contribution that day came from Puan Khairiah who told us what she heard her daughter said when her path was blocked by her siblings...

She heard the young lass asked, “Can I PASS A WAY?(she wanna pass away?….. lol!
)

I must say thanks to those smart asses who decided to abandon the English language as the teaching medium in our education system … the 'Ingrish' language is getting funnier by the day and I'm having so much fun abetting in the corruption and murder of this beautiful language! Really 'laugh-die-me' la!!!


Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Sandwiched, perspiring but glad I was there!

Was about to update last week when suddenly the news of TBH’s mysterious death broke. Sigh... was too overwhelmingly saddened to be in the mood to share some laughter in this blog as intended. (If by now, you‘re still not familiar with the name Teoh Beng Hock… I suggest you google it.. or better still, go fly out from some 14th floor window and get to meet and know him personally! Oops! sorry to sound so mean..cos' I'm in very toolan mood la! *so 2lan until I spelled the word 'sandwiched' as 'sandwitched' in this post without realising until a day after !)

Anyway, just before I left for the Justice for TBH solidarity gathering yesterday I commented on Lilian’s 5Xmom blog….teasingly volunteering to be her ‘tripod assistant’ in her task as a CITIZEN JOURNALIST there at Wisma Penyayang…

I hurriedly left home for the venue without realizing she had replied, suggesting that I take some close-up shots of people’s facial expressions there last night…















Alas, by the time I got to read her suggestion, way too late at 5am this morning, (after a good night rest of my aching body and feet. Stood 3 and half hours throughout the forum weii!....) all I found in my camera were something like these below….


errrr.......shots mostly showing the back of people's kelapa kepala!

















........ so I replied her.














Diu! Angry or sad facial expression shots tak lak la..... but plenty of these back shots showing ..errrrr... people losing hair over the sad incident perhaps!
(Toolan until 'Loot Mor' la!)
...............








and legs-shots .... that don't tell much.....But, sadly that was the only other option of view I had there while sardined right at the back of the crowded hall!


See my heavy PAKALOLO boots
that I always wear to crowded events for fear of being stepped on? This is what they called 'Batu' shoes ..as heavy as rocks...hahaha!





and more legs here....



















........and what about this 'shoulders' shot? Can see the anger and sadness of those people there or not? No?










Fortunately, when the forum ended I went forward to the front and took some shots of our super lady Citizen Journalist, Lilian in the media crowd ...interviewing, recording. cam and video shooting our CM..









Well..I don't have any close-up angry facial expression shots to show here.... but the very fact that thousands of Penangites were there, cramped and sweltering in solidarity speaks aloud their anger as well as their care and concern.


Pics showing the rest of the crowd who could not get into the hall, watching live broadcast projector screen at the foyer downstairs...

Friday, July 3, 2009

The Love Letter







Dearest,

I shall seek and find you.

I shall take you to bed and control you.


I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.

I will make you beg for mercy.

I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you.

And you will be weak for days.

All my love,

Soo Whyne, The flu.

















Just in case, you are still sotong-blur, not knowing the differences between a FLU, Allergy, Cold and Sinusitis... here's a chart to refer to~

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

AhKowKia's new neighbor


AhKowKia after having had enough of the noisy city life, moves to the peaceful and quiet remote countryside. His new neighbor, SaiFoo, the farmer pays him a visit and invites him to a party that night.

SaiFoo: Braader, you sure you can drink or not? There’s going to be a lot of ‘yamseng’ there one..you know.

AhKowKia: Don’t worry La… I used to go pub gallivanting a lot in the city with my colleagues after work..

SaiFoo: Orso have to warn you.. After so much drinking, things can go rough and sometimes there may be fighting too.

AhKowKia: Don’t worry, I’m the non-violent, non-lansi friendly type.. I don’t normally offend people and can get along with anyone easily la.

SaiFoo: Okay, good! ….don’t say I didn’t warn you…usually party ends up so wild …..got a lot of SEX too.

AhKowKia: Wow! It’s fine with me. By the way, what should I wear? I haven't actually unpack my clothes yet.. tee shirt can ar?

SaiFoo: It doesn’t matter la! Wear anything orso nevermind .. It’s going to be Just the two of us only jer maaa....

AhKowKia: harrrrr???? (faints..)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

Fable 2009 -In Fear of Porky's sneeze!









The animal Kingdom is looking for the most feared leader to rule as the new King of the Jungle 2009….

An elephant, a lion and a pig are contending for the post.

Lion: Look here kawan kawan, for centuries it has always been written - Lion, the King of the jungle!. Lion is king and king is Lion… and nothing else because when a lion like me roars, the whole jungle freezes in fear!

Elephant: Pooordah dei! When you roar yev'ryone freezes only, but when I trumpet, yev'ryone in the jungle has to make way for me laa! Scared or not... huh?

Pig: Cheh!!! Like that only mehhhh? I never bluff you one…I just need to sneeze and cough lightly nia, not only the jungle kingdom but the whole planet has to live in fear oledi!



Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Blending in with an 'ANYTHING ORSO CAN' Tee


As I look at the bursting wardrobe drawers cramped with all sorts of colorful Tee-shirts now, my mind wanders back to those ‘emergency mornings’ of Charles’s secondary schooldays, when he had to rush like a Bomba engine ...and also screaming like one, looking for a particular T-shirt for a particular activity in school that day.

It was either Chamm liao la! Where‘s my WUSHU Tee?” or “My Editorial Board Tee hai peen toh leh?” or Sei Lor..can’t find my House color-Tee laa!!depending on which day of the week but all the same, this slugabed-dad had to cut short sleep to help search for that particular elusive T-shirt he needed to survive another day in school!

Ya..I know, I know.. It’s cool to wear a Slogan Tee-shirt these days that practically screams aloud your stand and beliefs or identify your association with certain clubs or a particular group of people sharing a common cause. But come to think of it, do we really need to spend so much dough unnecessarily on all sorts of loud slogan Tees that sometimes make us look like a ‘walking Advert’ or even a ‘walking billboard’? (that's when your body goes 'panoramic' in shape!)

Niamah! Can’t we make life less complicated and easier to go by with just a ‘generic’ Tee that can be worn for all activities? One that can make us blend into or associate with, any group on any occasion, anytime, any day and anywhere. (same reason why I only buy totally black or totally white plain socks to avoid going nuts looking for the missing matching socks.. Smart leh? hehehe!)


Perhaps, something like this “I’M WITH THEM” Tee-shirt should just do the trick....


It does not matter whether the crowd is wearing “I’m with.. errrrr RPK, ...PKR, ...KPR (Kay Po Residents?) or some saintly “Wholly Holy’ church group Tee. With this generic 'all occasions' tee, one can easily blend in instantly just for a good cam-whoring session with your camera-phone like this!.....


Same goes with those ‘anti-whatever’ candlelight vigils… you may want to snap a good pic just so that some day your grandchildren actually believe grandpa was so ‘geng’ once!

But then again you may need to be discreet and prudent with your choice of association … the question of whether “Ada permit” or “Talak Permit mia, 123 Tangkap!” gathering.. Otherwise, someday when your grandchildren look at that pic of you getting invited for 'free stay and breakfast' by some 'too affectionately embracing' fellow countrymen in blue, they'll go, “SWEAT-LAH!! Grandpa YOU!...WITH THEM some more!”

Monday, June 1, 2009

The untold truths of Tales and stories (cartoons)

Maybe I was a little more curios and imaginative than my peers back then as a kid ..and somehow I always thought adults, especially my primary school teachers were not telling the truths or at least not telling us all of the whole story.. including the real ending to the tales and stories.

THE TABLETS

For instance, I was always wondering and asking my Sunday schoolteacher why Moses were given two tablets instead of just one?

Why couldn't the commandments be written on the both sides of one tablet like we do with the pages of our exercise book? ... or, was there anything else already written at the back of the tablets that they didn't tell us?
(* Just typical of an inquisitive mind of a very blur-sotong kid back then..)











.... Maybe something like this?

Hmmm... that probably explains a lot about the mess the world is in these days!
LOL!














ROBIN's MERRYMEN

As for the legend of ROBIN HOOD and his MERRYMEN.. Armed with only the experience of robbing and probably merrymaking in the forest, I was wondering what did they do for a living when ROBIN HOOD finally disbanded his Sherwood gang? Did they continue robbing people on their own or started some business?
















Like ....Friar Tuck operating a Tuckshop?
















or Little John running a Little John (Children's toilet) Accessories Shop?


RAPUNZEL

and that story of the pretty fraulien who was imprisoned in a tower with no stairs by a witch just because her 'thum-chiak(greedy)' parents were caught stealing the witch's vegetables, Rapunzel...

I think just having the password, "
Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your hair, so that I may climb the golden stair" alone was not exactly secure and safe for a home-alone girl..

Being a smart girl, she probably would have braided one side of her hair for her good looking boyflen prince to climb and left the other half unkempt and unwashed for those unwelcome '5354' gate-crashers! hahahaha!

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Story of the Small Town Debts







Sometimes, a simple solution is all we need for what appears to be a complicated problem..


Here’s an interesting story I chanced upon on how puzzlingly simple it was to solve what appeared to be a complicated economic woe of a community in a small town, when all the debts in the system were cleared by just an ‘accidental temporary loan’ that came by…

Here’s the story…..


There is not much business happening in this little town as recession takes toll and everyone seems to be in debt.
The hotel owner owes the butcher for the meat,
the butcher owes the farmer for the pigs,
the farmer in turn owes the local prostitute for the 'heat'
and she completes the chain, owing the
hotel owner for the room she needs.

Then one day, completely out of a clear blue sky, a very 'lansi-lanyong' tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for the best room and ‘lansi-ly’ puts a RM100 note on the reception counter as deposit, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.







For fear of the meat supply being stopped because of his overdue payment,
Woo koayTan-the hotel owner takes the hundred ringgit banknote and rushes over to the butcher shop opposite to pay Babee- his meat supplier to whom he owes RM100.






Babee- the butcher, upon receiving the money also quickly takes the money and races to the pig farm nearby to pay Too-Kopek-the farmer the RM100 he owed him for pigs he purchased some time ago.








Since New Year is coming soon and it’s bad luck to owe people money, Too-Kopek-the farmer takes the RM100 note to quickly pay Lucy Kay, a local prostitute who gave Too-Kopek her services on credit. (She usually won’t allow credit for her service but Too-Kopek always insist and says he cannot tahan cos’ his cum already at custom clearance checkpoint liao! ..but this is another story altogether..)





Upon receiving the
RM100 , Lucy Kay-the prostitute goes quickly to the hotel and pays Woo koayTan-the hotel owner the RM100 she owed for her hourly room rentals used to entertain her ‘hamsap’ clients.






At that moment, th
at 'lansi-lanyong' tourist informs Woo koayTan-the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory, takes back his RM100 before he departs. Story ends…and here’s where my head-scratching begins!

There was no profit or income as the Woo koayTan-the hotel owner did NOT eventually earned that RM100 from the unsatisfied lansi-lanyong customer but yet in that short time, with that RM100 banknote going around, everyone in that little town was able to pay off their debts! It is amazing how an accidental temporary loan (in this case, the hotel room deposit) cleared all the debts in the system!

There must be an explanation somewhere which I’m unable able to find yet. But...come to think of it, why should I need an answer or explanation?

…Let’s keep the story with it’s happy ending as it is! Aye sai Bo?

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Getting delirious with kopi KAPUT-CHINO!








In times like these, where what was once SILVER is turning BLACK and people are behaving disgracefully in the land supposedly ‘Abode with GRACE’, I found myself crossing over the extremely thin borderline into insanity once again, to start looking at things in laughable perspective…


Remembering that no matter how farked-up we get, we are in NO CONTROL of what others say or do. What we have is the total control of our own emotions and WE CAN wisely choose NOT to be REACTIVE and allow others to ruin our day. (Same goes to those reading my insane & inane 9pek9bo-ing blog here, which is nothing more than just Talkcock-ing of a ‘nothing to do’ old fler, not to be taken seriously!.LOL!)

I imagined myself intoxicating my mind with an imaginary highly caffeinated cappuccino KAPUTCHINO drink (Kaput=Destroyed, Done for & Chino= Spanish for Chinese) such as this Oldtown Aunty Equus Asinus KAPUTCHINO.. (guess what's Equus asinus?)

..hoping to get hallucinated enough to be able to see a harmful pepper spray as merely a harmless key chain/ pendrive and delirious enough to shamelessly commit the immoral sin of seeing myself in the like of great people such as Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, M Luther King, Obama or even Mother Theresa!

What a shiok sendiri experience! Give this old fler, me a chance to enjoy my delirium, ok? I need to be crazy to keep my sanity! ??? (kind of brain piercing to keep up with my son's tongue and body piercings... )

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Picking a peek of the Past..






Looking through my files I found these abstracts I shot sometime last year with my little handy camera I sometimes do carry along wherever I go.

At times, simple ordinary things can appear fascinating and even philosophical stimulating to me when I gave them a little more attention than I normally do. (Errmm.. in simpler terms, it means those were actually boring moments in life that usually awakens the zzzz-ing artist in me..ahem ahem!)

It doesn’t really matter what my photography-enthusiast son, Charles opined and neither am I bothered about my handicap in the technical aspects … After all, I’m more of a photo-LAUGHER than photographer, laughing myself silly at my amateurish attempts in photography! :)

As I ponder over these images now I ‘m beginning to realize what a treasure they are to me. Each and every photo is like a doorway to a particular moment of my life, forever gone but always available in memories…..


1.THE LAST CRYSTAL DINOSAUR.

This was taken while waiting for my curry mee at the food court at the Rifle Range market, our ‘lau ti fang’ we sometimes go back to for breakfast. It’s nothing more than just my Kopi Or Peng in a green plastic cup






2.IN SEARCH OF DESTINY. This pic was taken on a wooden plank-bridge at Tan Jetty coincidentally on my birthday last year when I followed son, #2 and Adrian to meet up with Khan for a photo-shoot there. There was where we first met 'Khan Khan',a final year Art student from Equator.












While those three young pros were busy with their DSLRs capturing the evening scene, I took fancy to the very aged but strong wooden planks that I was standing on (above pic). …and wandered away in philosophical thoughts.... the freedom of that young piece of wood drifting freely in comparison with those hard solid and weathered old ones we were standing on.










3. BIRD IN CAGE-The office Copier got jammed and the stuck papers came out like black & white folding fans. Found it interesting when I threw them into the waste basket together with a brown envelope. With a little arrangement, I had an enjoyable 5 minutes breather from work!





4. HANGING AROUND-
Took this on a rainy night, all drenched while hanging around waiting for our take-away dinner (Fried Tang-hoon) on the way home from office at the stall we always frequent nearby .








5. SHADOW PLAY
Taken at my favorite haunt…the ‘smoking Area’ at the stairway outside my 4th floor office in Beach street.. where I used to puffed my
Winston ciggis away!