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Friday, May 23, 2008

Now..the Fathers on SexEdu K'shen (updated version)

(Written in Singlish/Manglish ..anything but English!)

AhLian’s Papa: Blarder! Your lau phor got tell you about NS Sex edu-k’shen thing or not?

AhHwa’s Farder: Aiyah..Got lor! No nid worree so much wan la! When my children small small time, I already teach them Sex edu-k’shen

AhLian’s Papa: Waahh! U so kool wan leh! I paiseh teach them la! I remember last time when they small, AhLian asked me why her blarder got ‘bird bird’ she dun have one. I also dunno how to tell her. So I told her she also got wannnn! …but daddy ask God to keep it inside her..sked people steal ma! hahaha!

AhHwa’s Farder: Aiyah! You should tell her the truth nid to bluff her laidat one ma. Just tell her not to worry, she also got something her blarder also don’t have…and with what she got, she can have as many as what her blarder got when she grows up time! You say true or not? This is Sex edu-k’shen ma!

AhLian’s Papa: Aiyo! Laidat orso can ar? Err..I was orso right ma, boy or girl orso same same one la.. just that boys got their ovaries hanging outside nia…not exactly accurate but still a bit Sex-edu k’shen ma..hehehe!!!

AhHwa’s Farder: Also, since she was a small girl…I sked my daughter next time dunno how to refuse and say ‘NO’ to people when she big time, limpek orso got teach her the words 'DON’T!' and 'STOP!

Limpek then encouraged her to use these words as often as she could so that next time when big liao those words can easy easy come out from her mouth when boyflen wants to do something naughty to her.. clever or not?

AhLian’s Papa: cleverr!!! but errrrr....u got think ornot har....What if she next time so fluent with two words that she orso can join them together and say “DON”T STOP! ..Oh God!... PLEASE DON”T STOP! laidat orso wor????

AhHwa’s Farder: …diuuu lorrrrr!. Never realize that also!. But no worry la.. now that they are oledi quite big, I orso got teach them things like SAFE SEX ma…

AhLian’s Papa: SAFE SEX? ….you mean as advised by our Ministry of Health Minister of Health …to Check everywhere see got hidden CCTVs or not first before doing anything silly ar?

AhHwa’s Farder: No la.. I’m talking about putting on the rubber.. that ‘You can't go wrong if you cover your dong’ condom thingy la!

AhLian’s Papa: Walau! you so open minded one .. encourage them to to it …some more teach them ‘how to gift wrap the member on such occasions’ Leempek salute you la!

AhHwa’s Farder: Not exactly as you see it! I only pretend to encourage nia.. I bluff bluff teach them hor… ...‘Before using condom, it is velly important to unroll completely and check for any lubang (holes) and the fine prints at the far bottom, where Asians like us usually dun roll that far down to notice it’…Limpek cunning or not?

AhLian’s Papa: Hahaha! You very jia-lat! … by the time he can put it on after checking..Chinese says ’cock also crow liao’ and Ang Mors say Cows come home oledi’

AhHwa’s Farder: Brader, it’s more ‘chun’ if we mix up the two phrases to say the cock cums home oledi’ ..hahaha!!

AhLian’s Papa: By the way blarder, you got worry ornot about the NS Sex Edu K’shen program? Can we really trust these peeple to teach SEX to our children?

AhHwa’s Farder: no nid worry so much laif ever this NS Sex Edu K’shen is on, the authorities will make sure that all Sex Instructors are specially trained and highly qualified ones with certs such as this ma..

click to enlarge

AhLian’s Papa: the grade 1 mia instructors good enuff...allowed to talk only and NO practical SEXedu K'shen. Lai dat limpek orso feel better and safer ..if not they take advantage of the situation to touch here, touch there, touch everywhere!

AhHwa's Farder:
dun worree la...I think hor ..the only practical they may have is to play play with dolls imported from Hong Kong! They can go "Laidis, laidat, laidis and laidat...Oops! eeeek!! Why got baby come out one? hahaha!

The Hongkong Family Planning Assoc. dolls for SexEdu K'shen-BEFORE

Dolls AFTER practical SexEdu K'shen!


angelinemiss said...

the conversation damn interesting..
but what makes me LMAO is the certificate.. got grades somemore.. ROFL!!!!

Name: Juanita said...

OMGGG... i cant stop myself from laughing when i'm reading ur post. hahahha. lawak. =D
btw, sumore got cert! woohoo. cool la you. hahaha.

saix_ysy said...

you so law Ministry of Health Minister of Health ! aiyo

SilverIsle said...

Wah lao eh. I didn't know such doll exists. LOLz. I want! Can buy? =D

9pek9bo (dad) said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ERNST said...

Oops!my own comment deleted..
Anyway..Chongwee, Angeline & Juanita:

Save-pic the cert, change the name to yours ...print, frame and hang it among the genuine certs to shock/humour your friends!( I purposely used a white box so that you can paste ur name over it)..have fun!

silverisle, Try Hongkong Family Planning Assoc.

SAIX, I dun 'Law' but 'saw' this minister! A political victim who has actually won my respect for his accountability.

Jarod said...

wahahaah...nice doll!!!!!

If you could conduct a sex edu seminar, it would be fantastic!!!

AnakPenang said...

I dun think it's wise to leave our children with these instructors. If they can't guarantee the wellness of trainees in the NS camps, whatmore SEX Education. Our children might end up getting more certificates than they expected inclusive birth certs.

ERNST said...

Anakpenang: well said!.."our children ending up with more certs than expected"...and I'm adding "some unfortunate even came back with death certs too! Sad!
Jarod: If I conduct a sex edu seminar, and the Hongkong patung not available..would you wanna volunteer? lols!

pgkia said...

Wah lau eh.....keat ar....!

wenzi said...

how only qualify for the cert arr? hahahaha

Jarod said...


AIyooo...Can can! When har?

Aiya..demo only mah, no problem! hahaha....

If i'm not free, I wil ask some one to go...haha! Lols!

HH said...

wahhh i half read half laugh on the sentence you blog, hahaha.... my father ask me why i suddenly laugh so loud at the morning, i said i'm reading my friend's blog about sex edu-k'shen.

anyway, if really they implement the sax edu-k'shen in ns, better is to teach in verbally and not in real action, else jia lat lo, possibility might have those rape case increase pun... this is what we all worries about, not we pun i saja la...

if possible for another case is, let parents visit their lovely son and lovely daughter's ns training about sex edu-k'shen, as their pek bo will luan luan think and dont know what course will the trainer train them in... right? like special visit to their ns camp to know more about the course lo...

Constance Chan said...

OMG do these dolls really exist? i think my ginas will go ewwwww but i think they are interesting and hilarious.

i like your blog, very funny.
-fr a penangite living in sg

O.o said...