Getting Christmassy !

Listening to Christmas songs and carols at this time of the year not only brings me elating joy but also sweet sentimental memories of yesteryears, especially those carefree years when I was much, much, much younger….and naturally, ahem! ahem!..much more…….

Sigh! How I miss those wonderful slaphappy freewheeling years of my life! If any Genie can grant me this wish of time-travel, I am prepared and willing to rub more than just his lamp, even if it has to be his jingling bells that‘ll make him go ‘Ho-Ho-ing’ ecstatically just like Santa does, when he cums comes a calling once a year! Oops! Oh Naughty me! ..

Do I still get presents from that Mr.Obesity in Red if I’m naughty but still nice? I know I’m no angel.. but at least I don’t shaft the pinnacle of my Christmas tree into the arse of an angel like many people do!…I prefer a Bethlehem Star instead on the top of my Christmas tree anytime.

Anyway, in the absence of my angelic looking devil-in disguise, attention-seeking, chatty son, Charlie who is away at college (probably, making Christmas miserable for somebody else…), I could not think of anything more enthralling that I could do than to have a cup of freshly brewed coffee in hand and plunging my lazy old butt onto the sofa to savor the wonderful feelings of Christmas in the quietness of my home… listening to Christmas songs Angel ARES delivered.

‘We Three Kings’, a carol about the 3 wise men from the orient, following the Bethlehem Star*to find baby Isa (Jesus), has always been one of my favorites. This is one song that Charlie and I could duet unpremeditatedly any time of the year…. never minding it’s not even Christmas (and don’t care whether it’s Thaipusam or Wesak day) but as long as dad and son both get cuckoo enough at the same time. See? Our asylum home is powered by both electricity and eccentricity!

Hmmm... If they really came from afar ....from Bodohland here, it will be ISA of Kamunting they'll find and not baby Isa of Bethlehem!

Another of our favorite is of course ‘The first NOEL’ meaning the first Christmas… and this is one of the two songs that brought me laughter the way young Charlie sang them in his younger years.

Whenever young Charles started his "Noe-VELL~ oh Noe-VELLLLL…" like he was paid to announce the arrival of the season.... I would respond teasing him, “ Eh? NO WELL? …
NO WELL, GO SEE DOCTOR LA!”.. …and before I could even finished laughing out 'Ho Ho Ho!', he would go around the house breaking the peaceful silence of the SILENT NIGHT with his personal ultimate "Best Christmas hit' singing, "FELIX, NEVER DIE!....Felix, Never Die!" instead of Feliz Navidad!

Tak nampak ke? NO 'L' di sini!

As for the commercial ones, I love almost all of the them. White Christmas’ sounds sentimental to me. Not that I had any romantic ‘winter solstice’ mushy mushy thingy before. It really sounds good especially when my walls are white, the floor tiles are white and niamah!..….even the many balls of used dirty tissues carelessly thrown and strewn all over the floor by the 2 ‘chew–cheng-kias’ who could missed the waste basket by miles are also White!

Christmas wouldn't be Christmas

if you can't raise a smile…

Even if Christmas JOY is not the source of your SMILE,

let your SMILE be the source of Christmas JOY to others around you.

No matter what SHIT has happened, you haven’t lost your SMILE at all..

It’s there! RIGHT UNDER YOUR NOSE! Let it OUT NOW!

Gimme one of your best B4 you leave and

have a Smashing wonderful MERRY CHRISTMAS!!

A DaY @ tHE Public Loo(comics)

Christm@s with Ah9pek & Ah9Soh

Ah9Soh seeing hubby Ah9Pek returning home from Christmas shopping in town on a bicycle which he never had before.......

Ah9Soh: Waaa! Lou-koong (hubby), where did you get this nice bicycle from?

Ah9Pek: I was walking home when a lenglui(pretty chick) came in this bicycle and asked me, “Ah pek, Wanna take a ride or not?"

Ah9Soh: Then?

Ah9Pek: I hopped onto it lor.....and niamah-kerlo! Instead of listening to my direction, she took me to the woods! Once there hor, she got down and like 'siao'(crazy) like that..took off all her clothes and said to me,“Ah Pek, take anything!”

Ah9Soh: Aiya! Like dat also can! Then what did you do, lou-koong?

Ah9Pek: You think I stupid one meh ? I took this bicycle la, of course! So nice!

Ah9Soh: Lou koong, you so velly cleber! You wouldn’t have fit into her clothes anyway also!

Ah9Pek: Ah Bo then? You think your lou-koong stoopid one meh? By the way, where is Ah Ger? I haven’t seen her since she went for that weight loss consultation a month ago!

Ah9Soh: That weight Loss consultant told her to run 10km a day for 30 days ma…so can loose 2 kg in time for the Christmas party.

Ah9Pek:Then?

Ah9Soh: Now already 30 days ma…she’s now 300km away from home lor! Aiyoh! like dat also dunno how to count, you silly old man!

Ah9Pek: Lou-phor, can you leave the sugar jar on the table for me?

Ah9Soh: Why? You want to make kopi to drink ar?

Ah9Pek: no la…you forget meh? The doctor said to control my diabetes, I have to check the sugar level regularly ma.

Ah9Soh: That handsome doctor said that ar?

Ah9Pek: Yes…and you know what I heard at the village kopitiam about this doctor? It seems he had slept with every lady in our street… except only one!

Ah9Soh: hmmm.. let me guess, I bet that ‘only one’ must be that lanxi (snobbish) lady staying at no.15 down the street…right?

Ah9Pek faints!

Expectations-the 'LIFE SUCKS!' Guarantee

Disappointment with people could bring a lot of unhappiness and even hurt. We get truly disturbed and disappointed when people fail to live up to ‘our expectations’ of them.

More often than not, it is not the disappointing person that is the cause of the problem but sadly, it is our unrealistic personal ‘smart-ass’ views and rules we set in our minds on how each person should think, react, behave or even feel that’s making us disappointed assholes!

We expect people we meet daily to be nice to us ..even if we have always been a paining asshole to them all these years! (itu lain kira, you'll say).

We expect friends to be perfectly truthful and trustworthy enough to keep secrets …forgetting that the last time, it was “trust me, I didn’t really tell anyone, errrrrrrrrr….. except maybe Cindy, Mary, Nicee ..and probably also ….…………… only nia!".

My good son, Charles expects me to understand that besides assignments and studies, Friendster, facebook and photography are all equally important 'never do can die’ activities in his life...if I don't, I’ll probably be branded an asshole, a pain in his butt!

..and for the mother of all expectations, there are always some ‘Holier Than Thou’ religious people o< o< o< expecting us to live our lives perfectly according to the Dos & Don’ts laid out in the holy book! Niamah! if I really can do that, wouldn’t I be eligible to be the second coming of Christ instead of being just his follower?

The expectations list goes on and on… to each and every person, we have our own unwritten expectations in our mind for them NOT TO FAIL US!

For whatever reason, when people don’t conform to our expectations, we get agitated, upset, impatient or even emotional just because these 'disappointing assholes' somehow cannot match the characters we have already planned for them in our mind! We ruined our day with all sorts of disappointments from our unrealistic expectations and we say, “Kanineh cbai! PEOPLE SUCKS! LIFE SUCKS!”

Isn’t that funny? How much do we really care a damn about living out our lives to meet the expectations of others but yet we demand the rest of the world to be meeting ours perfectly?

Like it or not, nobody is going to cut their hair the way you think it’s nice or dress according to your ‘nineteen kerosene’ taste! Especially so if the latest edition of your vocab bank does not include words like “cool’.. ‘lame’…or ‘sweat’..etc and etc!

In short, no matter how tulan, three-lan or multiple lans you get, no marder-f…ker SOB is going to live his/her life according to your blueprints and expectations! Like you, they are each an individual who needs and deserves the right to have the freedom to be that imperfect being…the Sohais we all are….at least, once in a while!

Merry Christmas to all Sohais who are imperfect like me! We have each other to count as our blessings!

PEACE & JOY 2U

Ho! Ho! HO! Christmas is just around the corner and like all the Christmases before, I find myself humming or singing my favorite Christmas carols, proclaiming PEACE and JOY all day long…

Never mind that the crime rate is riding the same ascending graph with the hiking prices of goods while the authorities who are in denial mode are trying to outclass circus clowns with their funny statement claiming that our bodohland is more peaceful than Japan!...

Never mind these UNMOral politicians’ noses are getting longer than their dicks for telling us lies after lies, or the brains of some religious people had left their bodies even long before their soul does! (Thank Gawd, they are spewing out ‘f…ckwa’s to f…ck you and NOT me!)…..

Never mind that I‘ve reached the point of my life where I have to step aside for my employers to pay the less experienced and less able younger people to take over and repeat my mistakes all over again! hohoho!…..

Never mind that as from now on, without income, the left side of the balance sheet has nothing right and the right side of the balance sheet has nothing left…
PEACE & JOY still reigns! Why? …

It’s NOT because those brain-f..cked BohNow politicians are saying so, but because…
IT’S Christmas TIME!.... and I’m going jingling-jingaling with Joy counting the number of friends made in just one year ever since I started 9pek9bo-ing here!

So, here’s yours truly, 9pek9bo Ernst wishing each and everyone of you & your family…… PEACE, JOY & HAPPINESS!

Desmond, if you need more doses of the above,wait for this Christmas fairy with her wand.....

Voki AH MOEY for KNN news

Took another long break from blogging here to contemplate on some serious decisions I need to make at this inevitable crossroads of my life.

So, to all my blogosphere friends and visitors I have to say, “SOLEE LOR” for shoving those ‘shitty’ pics of my last post repeatedly into your sight each time you came looking for updates.

Adrian even said that whether imaginary or not, his olfactory nerves are beginning to detect an unpleasant odor from my outdated shitty post on the ISA…hahaha!

Anyway, it’s great to know that our beloved blogger RPK is a free man now and I pray that it remains that way as long as he lives.

I missed the TV news report of that wonderful event, but I’m not fretting….. I have more fun imagining my own ‘lala’ news anchor woman reading the news in ‘Ingrish’…

Check out my VOKI KNN news below. Remember to turn on your Volume before clicking PLAY button. Have fun and wonderful day ahead guys!



Get a Voki now!

ISAy "NO!"

ISAy “NO!” to ABUSE OF POWER!

ISAy “NO!” to ABUSE of HUMAN RIGHTS!

ISAy “NO!” to DETENTION WITHOUT TRIAL!

ISAy “NO!” to ISA!

dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!dirty!

jUST as ISAy “NO!” to Dirty RAT SHIT!

jUST as ISAy “NO!” to Dirty DOG SHIT!

ISAy “NO!” to this whollota STINKING BULLSHIT!

EGGstremely StOOpid!

“Oh Mama Mia!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m not referring to that musical comedy of a bride-to-be trying to find the actual bastard who laid her mum some 17 years ago while singing and dancing ABBA songs..

I’m actually eggspressing in the ‘spaghetti language’ eggsclaiming anguish for being mentally tormented again by the silly antics of some hardcore ‘BohNow’ people who are too eggceedingly stoopid to realize that they are stoopid!

It clearly shows how eggstremely 'sohai' people can become in their desperate attempt to stand out as ‘heroes’ in the eyes of even greater 'sohais'.

After championing the dignity of the eggs, what’s next? How about making police report against advertisers for outraging the modesty of chickens?