Story of the Small Town Debts

Sometimes, a simple solution is all we need for what appears to be a complicated problem..


Here’s an interesting story I chanced upon on how puzzlingly simple it was to solve what appeared to be a complicated economic woe of a community in a small town, when all the debts in the system were cleared by just an ‘accidental temporary loan’ that came by…

Here’s the story…..

There is not much business happening in this little town as recession takes toll and everyone seems to be in debt.
The hotel owner owes the butcher for the meat,
the butcher owes the farmer for the pigs,
the farmer in turn owes the local prostitute for the 'heat'
and she completes the chain, owing the hotel owner for the room she needs.

Then one day, completely out of a clear blue sky, a very 'lansi-lanyong' tourist arrives in the foyer of the small local hotel. He asks for the best room and ‘lansi-ly’ puts a RM100 note on the reception counter as deposit, takes a key and goes to inspect the room located up the stairs on the third floor.







For fear of the meat supply being stopped because of his overdue payment,Woo koayTan-the hotel owner takes the hundred ringgit banknote and rushes over to the butcher shop opposite to pay Babee- his meat supplier to whom he owes RM100.






Babee- the butcher, upon receiving the money also quickly takes the money and races to the pig farm nearby to pay Too-Kopek-the farmer the RM100 he owed him for pigs he purchased some time ago.








Since New Year is coming soon and it’s bad luck to owe people money, Too-Kopek-the farmer takes the RM100 note to quickly pay Lucy Kay, a local prostitute who gave Too-Kopek her services on credit. (She usually won’t allow credit for her service but Too-Kopek always insist and says he cannot tahan cos’ his cum already at custom clearance checkpoint liao! ..but this is another story altogether..)





Upon receiving the RM100 , Lucy Kay-the prostitute goes quickly to the hotel and pays Woo koayTan-the hotel owner the RM100 she owed for her hourly room rentals used to entertain her ‘hamsap’ clients.






At that moment, that 'lansi-lanyong' tourist informs Woo koayTan-the hotel owner that the proposed room is unsatisfactory, takes back his RM100 before he departs. Story ends…and here’s where my head-scratching begins!

There was no profit or income as the Woo koayTan-the hotel owner did NOT eventually earned that RM100 from the unsatisfied lansi-lanyong customer but yet in that short time, with that RM100 banknote going around, everyone in that little town was able to pay off their debts! It is amazing how an accidental temporary loan (in this case, the hotel room deposit) cleared all the debts in the system!

There must be an explanation somewhere which I’m unable able to find yet. But...come to think of it, why should I need an answer or explanation?

…Let’s keep the story with it’s happy ending as it is! Aye sai Bo?

Getting delirious with kopi KAPUT-CHINO!

In times like these, where what was once SILVER is turning BLACK and people are behaving disgracefully in the land supposedly ‘Abode with GRACE’, I found myself crossing over the extremely thin borderline into insanity once again, to start looking at things in laughable perspective…

Remembering that no matter how farked-up we get, we are in NO CONTROL of what others say or do. What we have is the total control of our own emotions and WE CAN wisely choose NOT to be REACTIVE and allow others to ruin our day. (Same goes to those reading my insane & inane 9pek9bo-ing blog here, which is nothing more than just Talkcock-ing of a ‘nothing to do’ old fler, not to be taken seriously!.LOL!)

I imagined myself intoxicating my mind with an imaginary highly caffeinated cappuccino KAPUTCHINO drink (Kaput=Destroyed, Done for & Chino= Spanish for Chinese) such as this Oldtown Aunty Equus Asinus KAPUTCHINO.. (guess what's Equus asinus?)

..hoping to get hallucinated enough to be able to see a harmful pepper spray as merely a harmless key chain/ pendrive and delirious enough to shamelessly commit the immoral sin of seeing myself in the like of great people such as Nelson Mandela, Mahatma Gandhi, M Luther King, Obama or even Mother Theresa!

What a shiok sendiri experience! Give this old fler, me a chance to enjoy my delirium, ok? I need to be crazy to keep my sanity! ??? (kind of brain piercing to keep up with my son's tongue and body piercings... )

Picking a peek of the Past..

Looking through my files I found these abstracts I shot sometime last year with my little handy camera I sometimes do carry along wherever I go.

At times, simple ordinary things can appear fascinating and even philosophical stimulating to me when I gave them a little more attention than I normally do. (Errmm.. in simpler terms, it means those were actually boring moments in life that usually awakens the zzzz-ing artist in me..ahem ahem!)

It doesn’t really matter what my photography-enthusiast son, Charles opined and neither am I bothered about my handicap in the technical aspects … After all, I’m more of a photo-LAUGHER than photographer, laughing myself silly at my amateurish attempts in photography! :)

As I ponder over these images now I ‘m beginning to realize what a treasure they are to me. Each and every photo is like a doorway to a particular moment of my life, forever gone but always available in memories…..


1.THE LAST CRYSTAL DINOSAUR.

This was taken while waiting for my curry mee at the food court at the Rifle Range market, our ‘lau ti fang’ we sometimes go back to for breakfast. It’s nothing more than just my Kopi Or Peng in a green plastic cup






2.IN SEARCH OF DESTINY. This pic was taken on a wooden plank-bridge at Tan Jetty coincidentally on my birthday last year when I followed son, #2 and Adrian to meet up with Khan for a photo-shoot there. There was where we first met 'Khan Khan',a final year Art student from Equator.












While those three young pros were busy with their DSLRs capturing the evening scene, I took fancy to the very aged but strong wooden planks that I was standing on (above pic). …and wandered away in philosophical thoughts.... the freedom of that young piece of wood drifting freely in comparison with those hard solid and weathered old ones we were standing on.










3. BIRD IN CAGE-The office Copier got jammed and the stuck papers came out like black & white folding fans. Found it interesting when I threw them into the waste basket together with a brown envelope. With a little arrangement, I had an enjoyable 5 minutes breather from work!





4. HANGING AROUND-
Took this on a rainy night, all drenched while hanging around waiting for our take-away dinner (Fried Tang-hoon) on the way home from office at the stall we always frequent nearby .








5. SHADOW PLAY
Taken at my favorite haunt…the ‘smoking Area’ at the stairway outside my 4th floor office in Beach street.. where I used to puffed my
Winston ciggis away!

When YOUNG men see VISIONS & OLD men dream DREAMS

Imagine the hilarious sight of a toothless seventy plus ahpek with his wrinkled face totally dolled-up in heavy feminine make-up and his dark skinny flat-chested body …dressed in a pink ballerina tutu! If his outrageous sight alone was not enough to make me LMAO, his amusing attempt to dance and twirl like a ballerina in his solo performance did just that!

That was one unforgettable odd but lovable character I met at the old folks’ home some 30 years ago. It was obvious that like many other inmates there, he was going through his second childhood and was thoroughly enjoying his twilight years as much as he could without being problematic to others, except for the stomach cramps we got from laughing at his antics.

Unfortunately, not all old chaps are that fun, lovable and harmless. Some can be very nasty, annoying, irritating, attention-seeking, trouble-makers as in the case of our ‘lau pu-se’ [老不死 ] toon lokter U-No-Hoo.



Niahseng! Like limpek haven’t had enough of his foul flatulence coming out of his wrong end all those twenty-over donkey years, like he hasn’t done enough damage just yet, this old devil ’toon lokter U-No-Hoo' is back hogging the media limelight all over again!

Thank God that I have long liberated myself from those TVtiga-suku and ‘Ah-ler-TM’ propagandistic news channels! If not, I guess I’ll be ranting and sending my regards to his mother so often that in the end I may have to rename my blog as ‘Kannilaubo’ instead of 9pek9bo!

Dunno why.... even with my abstinence from watching those TVtiga-suku and ‘Ah-ler-TM’ fairy tales for children’ news, limpek found myself having very weird recurring nightmares of my very old discarded TV set showing a zombie who looked like him, sounded like him but it’s not him singing............


“It's close to midnighttttt…
and something evil's lurking in the dark!
On your TV tonight,
you see a sight that almost stops your heart ................
Cause this is diuu-ler!! Thriller night!






After the singing ended, the scene changed and those dancing zombies began morphing themselves into Chinese Ching dynasty costumed hopping zombies just like those in Chinese Vampires comedy movies of the 80's!
















Okay..don’t ask me why I could have such weird nightmares. I’m entitled to it just as much as you young punks are entitled to your MP4s, camera phones, i-pods and i-whatever with LCD screen because it has been said, “....YOUNG MEN SHALL SEE VISIONS, and YOUR OLD MEN SHALL DREAM DREAMS.”..( not truly meant in this manner though, just borrowed the phrase!)

Hahaha! It's just another day for ranting randomly and obnoxiously about an awful dream, nothing to be taken seriously .....
Have a nice day nightmare folks!

April Jokes- just for laughs

WARNING!
This weblog may contain some profanities, smuts, expletives or whatever you want to call it as.....
If you are easily offended by vile & inappropriate languages and think that you'll surely end up burning in Hell because of it, Or, still a minor (underage, under-developed or 'Under-still not developed!') not understanding that the 4 LETTERS ‘F’ WORD that ends with a ‘K’ is NOT what you use together with a spoon, Please DO NOT CONTINUE!

Otherwise, proceed on and have a f*rking fun-time here.(Oops! I already warned ya..Didn't I?)

Towkeh-soh already had three unsuccessful marriages before. Her first husband was a wife-beater, the second an adulterer who finally ran away with that ‘chau char bor’ and the third was a total disappointment in bed!

So being smarter now, Towkeh-soh makes sure she includes certain requirements when she places an advert for a new life partner in the papers.



“Forty-something Rich divorced woman looking for new husband who will not beat her, run away from her and is good in bed” it said.








Two weeks later, while Towkeh-soh is enjoying her favorite TV show at home, she hears her doorbell rings. She opens the door and there is a guy with no arms or legs.


“Yes? Wat-chew want?” she asks.

“Hi, I’m Mr. Wan Long Dik, and I’m here about your advert in the papers.”

“You got meet my requirements meh?” Towkeh-soh asks.

“Well, I have no arms so cannot beat you lor, and I have no legs to run away from you, even if I want to orso cannot maa.” he replies.

“But how do I know you’re good in bed leh?” she asks.

Mr. Wan Long Dik, “Aiyo! Aboden, how do you think I rang the doorbell.. har?

Ah 9Pek: Oei! AhLek, you look worried today.. what’s the ploblem har?

AhLek: jialat liao la! .. my wife dunwan to “ahem-ahem” with me on Sunday orledi!

Ah 9Pek:: Why leh?

AhLek: because yesterday hor, her priest says SEX on the Sabbath is a sin because SEX is considered as WORK!

Ah 9Pek: Niamah, like dat orso can! What does a priest know about SEX Where got such thing one?

AhLek: They say SEX is production of lives…WORK maa and therefore not allowed on Sabbath Sunday lor.

Ah 9Pek: SEX is definitely play la.. Aiya! if your wife thinks it is WORK, then ask her to tell your young Indon maid to do for you lor!

AhLek: ya hor...WORK nia mahh hor?…hahahah!

B.E. Satu Lagi!!

Before those PR supporters could finish with their “YAMMMMMSENG!” or even before Semi-TalakBulu and his long lost... one little, two little, three little .............. cousin in Perak could both finish cursing in their Kerling lingo on the outcome of the recent tri By-Elections (BE), another one is already looming near … right in my home state, Penang!


Okay..okay...For the benefit of those DOTAland alien korkor-chyes & those QQ KAWAiians mooi-moois who are still 'blur-blur' not knowing what’s going on beyond DOTAland and FRIENDSTERland: We just had NOT one, but THREE by-elections ALL AT ONE GO earlier this month to fill the vacant seats left by some YBs, who either had an early earthly departure or… probable fear of an early earthly departure! (you guess this one out yourself!)

In fact, within a short period of just a year since the Tsunami General Election, we already had five exciting BEs and gosh!...The score is PR leading BN by 4-1! Kanneh! Limpek's beginning to like By-Elections a lot! It’s so blardy addictive! Judging from the large turnout at the rallies I think BE is fast becoming the favorite pastime of Malaysians these days!

Never have I seen such huge multiracial crowds muhibah-ing since those ‘zaman Merzagua’ Malaysia Cup days, where we thronged into stadiums to cheer hysterically at goals even our rheumatoid grandmas could catch! How I missed them! (I mean those carnival-like truly united OneM’sia atmosphere, NOT those rheumatoid grandmas.. ok?)


Whether it was for the 'comradie' feelings or the carnival festive mood, By-election's activities these days are phenomenally pulling crowds by the thousands! It looked like fun, sounded like fun and ... niamah! sometimes it's so irresistibly fun that even our BIG BLUE BOYS are joining in to have fun with their 'water-shooting toys' and LEGO ROAD blocks too!




Thanks to the great gods ..err...Lord GODamnit & Lord GODblok, I managed to keep myself updated about all the 'fun' in the net despite my STREAMYX broadband connection was (and still fcukingly is) weak throughout the entire run-up period and on Polling day on April 7!
Broadband huh? I think the situation here is more like a band of broads waiting in line for a Viagra-starved dead old cock instead! Jialat!



As it was, just like all other elections we had before, we never seem to be running short of those funny ‘out-of-circus employment’ clowns and the recent tri by-elections were no exception. If not for these phor-litiician dudes who brought me so much laughter, I guess I would have died suffering from BDS (Bandwidth deficiency syndrome) brought about by my slow-cumming STREAMYX!

How could I not laugh, reading about some ‘bey kian siao’ election candidate proclaiming to be the Obama of M’sia when the only similarity limpek could see was the just the dark skin? kekekeke!

Then, there was this 'niamah! nama-limpek tak-kenal' misinformed minister claiming that watching micro-mini skirted sexy ching-chong girls gyrating their butts on stage at election-rally dinners is no big deal but just a Chinese culture? Betul ke?

Maybe someone should misinform this misinformed minister with a ‘mini-stirring in his pants' again..that “Tiger-Show’ can be also Chinese culture ...hor? so why not have one for the coming BE leh? Can ar? Pleeeeeazzzee la! Just go and tell your new NUMERO UNO ‘ah hiah’ it is "cheep cheep MAI PAENG MAK" nia mah!

CONFUSION of the KONGFU KID

Having a Hongkie ‘mah cheh’ as my nanny for the first five years of my life, it was natural that I spoke nothing else but Cantonese (aka Kongfu or Kwongtung) back then as a kid. That, of course wasn’t a problem to me until I was big enough to wander out of my home and found the first SURPRISE of my life…… Niah-seng! The ‘whole world’ out there spoke Hokkien and a whole lot of other lingos that I could barely grasp!

So, learning multiple Chinese dialects all at the same time became the first survival test for this freshie of the neighborhood kids. It was fun.. but for my case, it was more like disastrously funny when I got the different dialects mixed up, causing confusions and wild twisted imaginations.

For instance, how was I to know that by TUA LIAP LANGs (literally translated as Big balls People) in the Hokkien dialect merely meant VIPs who were more often than not, local politicians phorliticians and NOT as I imagined and feared …people with monstrous growth in the ‘ballroom’ space of their pants looking like these? ..


These la! Truly Tua liap Langs we hormat.... not that talak bulu mia Samy Blu!






....and as if that was not enough to freak and fry my little brain, I had to muster enough guts to convince myself that those nyonya kuih 'LAMPAR UDANGs’ were (and still are) nothing more than just prawn dumplings with no testicles of any animal or prawns sacrificed in the preparation! Phew!


Lampar Udang- unwrapped and found it was not even 'ball-ish' in shape!









Even my own mother tongue was not spared of confusion. I once told my friends that my mum would ‘fark’ me with her cane if I were late… they went “huh?” apparently not knowing that ‘fark’ means ‘to beat/flog forcefully’ in my family’s Thoi-San Cantonese dialect! (so guys, don't go "OMG! Charles's daddy uses the F word" again!)

That wasn’t the only disastrous incident that I had when I tried substituting Cantonese equivalent for Hokkien words I had yet to pick up at that early beginner’s stage. I didn’t know the Hokkien word for ‘FOLLOW’ and thought that it was okay and safe to replace it with the Cantonese word ‘KAN’. You can imagine the shock my young decent Hokkien neighbor had when I asked, “Gua eh sai KAN lu khee bo? (sounding like "Can I F@rk you off?" instead of the intended "Can I follow you?")

His suspicion of me as a foul mouth kid was again reiterated the following day while we were playing with plastercine modeling clay. I had wanted to warn him not to ‘Press and ruin’ my creation…so I told him ‘Lu mai KAM LAN har’! (in Cantonese, KAM=PRESS and LAN= RUIN)

Those were the happy days when I was just young lad with no fear of shame in making mistakes, always happily annoying the neighborhood with my singing “Lah-sa Sayang, Eh! Lah-sa Sayang sayang eh!”at a pitch they described as like ‘Hor Kooi Teh Tiok’ (victim of a ghost's squeeze!) - I bet my siblings would have done me away if murder was not already a legal crime back then for giving them such horrible torture that even the Japs would not use during WWII!


To that decent neighbor childhood friend who kept correcting me that it should be ‘Rasa Sayang’: You were wrong too! It’s RASUAH Sayang la! Don’t believe? Go ask any Perakians especially that HEE BYE whore!

Going Loco with the Lingo?

Teachers going mad and crazy due to teaching subjects in English? For a second, I thought limpek’s old brain cells were giving up on me again, not registering correctly what I was reading.
Could it be actually ‘TEACHERS GOING BAD AND LAZY’ instead that I was misreading or they have misquoted? After all, how could anyone go loco learning a lingo?

Although the English language, as we all know is a crazy language with a grammar system of rules and principles that is even more complicated and scarier than my grandma, it is unlikely in my opinion, that it could have such a drastic effect on those teachers learning the language.




Instead, here’s what I suspect to be the possible cause of teachers going nutty actually….. the students' Ingrish!

If they don't go bonkers, they will probably be scratching their heads bald reading 'Ingrish no Kwailo can understand' such as this Ah Lian’s email to her cikgu-











Dear cikgu,

Last weak, my farder told me that the newspayper got say our teechers gone mad oledi becors they donno how to teech us Signs and Mads in Ingrish. At furs, I din belif my farder until I orso see your hensem face mad mad like that in the newspayper pigcher two gather with many many peeple wokking on the road all shauting dont one to teech us in Ingrish anymore. Why leh?

My farder say the polis shoot woter and orso tia gas at the cloud. I hope you were not hert and your health is in the well now.

I think cikgu shud continew teeching us in Ingrish becors if you chain to teech us in Bahasa same same like you teech us Akauns like that, we will surely cannot ketchup and fial Signs and Mads orso. My farder orways say learning Ingrish is gud for us. He say can find gud job if we no how to reed and rite Ingrish.

By the way, sorree that I cannot e-meow you erliyer becors my farder say sins my Ingrish so gud he recordman me to go werk as Subtitle-riter for Ah kowpek’s pilot DVD compenis due ring the skool brake. After one weak, my boss say got people say my sub-title very gud, pay for one movie but get two stories. I cleber or not?

After werking there for a hole month I urn a lot of money orledi. I few so happy now becors got money to sellerbread my birds day this Fryday with my frens orledi. Hope to see you back in skool when the holiday brake is over.



Ah Lian xoxo